I hope that I come across as an honest person, if not a funny person who pushes the truth slightly and rude bitches buttons a lot. There are a few things I want to talk about tonight. First, Rhonda Rae is crazy AF and makes me laugh literally out loud while we are out in public. It’s not cause she would be super funny to white people in general, but she’s super funny to this white Mexican. The shit that comes out of her mouth is literally fucking funny. (Borderline entitled with a sprinkle of instilled racism that he doesn’t even know is there. But this brown hoochie sees it and I still love him.)
She, meaning Rhonda Rae, got dentures on the top part of her mouth earlier this month. I’m so glad she did… I hear you oldies do good job at gummers. LOL, that’s just what I heard! She was complaining about not being able to floss her denture (because again it’s only the one-singular). After she was done talking shit tonight (as she does often), I responded, “It’s probably for the best that you only have to floss the shit you talk out the bottom part of your mouth and not your dentures.”
I really mean it- if you don’t have an 80-year-old friend you are missing out. They say the damnedest things and some funny nasty things too. Tonight, we went to dinner at the Roost, a fun gay bar in Cathedral City (Cat City). I love it that they have a great working partnership with restaurants within the same complex, to allow patrons to order food from them and they bring it to your table (yeah, from next door). We go there at least every other week when that bitch is behaving. Oh, old people also have a problem with behaving. Most of the time it’s fun and funny. Other times she thinks she’s funny and makes me pay for dinner twice in a row. (She’s a super cheap bitch. And she knows it and owns it too.)
I always find myself trying to control the volume of my laugh when were out cause she’s soooo stupid! We were checking out hot guys tonight while we waited and ate our food. He (meaning she/Rhonda Rae) of course was looking at the younger guys and I was looking at the hot Daddy type men. I pointed out a hot older Daddy and he (meaning she/Rhonda Rae) said, “Well the only old guys you’re going to get is if they are destitute.” I literally laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe and had to call my best friend in Utah so that she could hear his nonsense. “Gurrrl, listen to what this bitch is saying.” I was almost crying due to her nonsense, LOL DESTITUTE!
Me- Destitute?
Rhonda Rae- Looks like you got the message!
(Again, I called her a bitch and started laughing.)
What I’m trying to say is don’t be afraid to make a friend that is older or younger than you are. This friendship has been the highlight of my desert life thus far. There have been some other highlights I’ve had and one of them happened today; besides this crazy old bitch being a funny cunt.
Today, I had just enough money to pay for next month’s bills entirely- already. This would have never happened had I not been brave enough to venture out on my own and without the help and friendship from Rhonda Rae. It also would have never happened if this community didn’t trust me with their mental health issues.. and like to talk to me, and dare I say some of them even love me. 😊 And dare I say again that I even love some of you back. Bitch, we all got stuff- even me. Better to deal with it instead of ignoring it, letting it fester, and manifest into something we can’t control.
In my whole life I’ve never had the thought that by the end of the year (2024 or any year) I could possibly have 3 months’ salary saved in my bank account if I’m smart, safe and this continues. NEVER- EVER- EVER had the opportunity presented itself to me. EVER! (Always someone was on my neck.) I hope that this feeling of succeeding continues, lasts and boils over into everything I do.
I come from a poor family (even if some people don’t like to admit it), my grandmother’s home had adobe bricks and walls made of roofing paper (stuff). We were on food stamps growing up, got free lunch at school, and if not for the kindness of some people I would have had to sleep on the streets in my late teenage years. We worked in the onion fields as kids, and I always remember coming in last for any needs met in my family, because of my dad. He wasn’t a nice person and still is not a nice person today. He’s definitely meets the diagnostic criteria for a narcissistic personality disorder.
That probably has something to do with my daddy issues and always being attracted to older men; so they say. Why can’t a bitch like someone with grey in their beard and bush? Why is that so wrong? LOL, the subconscious is a crazy thing to understand sometimes, but it is, and it exists. That being said, the brain sometimes does things to protect your innermost being from harm. My brain is no different.
One of my things, I realize is that I only listen to female vocalists. My Itunes library I guess is 95% female and 60 % JLO and Christina. The other 40% is Christmas or Jesus lovin music.
Okay, that’s not completely true, I downloaded George Strait and Elvis Presly (cause my mom looooves him- current tense because she still does and always will.). But somewhere along my youth I programmed my brain that the male voice is something that I don’t want to listen to for pleasure. I just don’t. The male voice screaming in a microphone clearly touches some nerve, a memory deep down that equates to childhood trauma and equates to trouble. A male angry screaming voice always turned out bad as a kid.
So, there is truth there in the layers of onion that make up my psyche (and yours). It protects us. I’ve never been a big male vocalist fan. But I am doing better. Hey, I listen to Ruples and I have downloaded Billy Porter (and need to listen to that album more) but for some reason my brain processes them differently. Like, just because they are black I can see them as my gay sisters. Is that like the opposite or reverse racism, somehow weirdly or for reasons of safety made into a positive? What I’m saying is I can sing (not well and not that anyone should ever hear) to their music.
Like, that would somehow make them (individually or collectively) understand me more being a POC and gay AF; even if they never met me. I think maybe the “why” – to their successes. My brain assumes they understand my struggles because I’m sure they’ve had similar (if not worse) ones than I have. I don’t know if that makes sense but it’s true- that’s how my brain processes that info. Brown and black folks (especially if they are gay) kinda get it.
The other person I’ve had on my play list is Frank Sinatra. That’s because of Christmas music, but I dove deeper into his music after I moved here. Heller, he’s all ova this beautiful desert. Streets, continued philanthropy from his wife, and er’thang else. What I’m trying to say again is that I don’t listen to a lot of male vocalists and I’m trying to change that.
The other day I was watching Drew Barrymore and she had on Barry Manilow. I hear that he makes his home here in the desert and donates a lot to various programs that serve the queer population. Actually, I saw that he bought a whole table at an event that I had to fight just for the opportunity to volunteer at last year.
It was an old employer that had sent out an email asking all employees to volunteer for said event. When I tried to volunteer for the event, they said no. I then pointed out and questioned why I would be treated differently than every other employee at said employer. (This was after I complained about bullying and incompetence.) I’d never been written up (until that flat lifeless hair having Christmas Song came looking for a reason.) They looked through my emails searching for something I did wrong, and she found one. I’d forwarded her an email from a patient stating they were having difficulty with scheduling. I forwarded it to her so she could address the issue. Instead she wrote me up.
She said I responded incorrectly to said patient’s email I received. There was no PHI or any HIPPA related info in the email but wrote me up anyhow. I’d never been in trouble for something I did before (there), but still I was initially denied the opportunity to volunteer (because they were angry at me for complaining about a bully.)
I envision their thought bubbles be like, “How dare that brown little gay bitch from fuckin Utah come in here and expect to work in a safe place free from harassment and bullying. And how dare he expect to be treated with dignity and respect.” Well, I did and I still do bitches.
So, I asked Christmas Song how I was supposed to respond to the email. She attempted to show me in her office, and then couldn’t even do what she was saying I needed to do. So, were all her emails to patients done incorrectly? LOL- dumb bitch.
After being told no, I pushed and pushed until they had no legal leg to stand on for denying me the opportunity to volunteer my free time for such an event. This part may be my own sensitive trauma filled brain, but since they had to let me volunteer, they put me in a position at the front in charge of the entrance. Other staff members who had worked the event before were placed in easy flow areas and I was given the entrance.
My Madame Web spidey senses have me believe they put in a leadership position right out front (especially with no idea how the event was going to be never having been to one) so that I could fail.
After a bit my own thought bubbles were like, “Did them bitches try and set me up to fail? Those motha fuckas.” Little did they know that sometimes (not all the time) I’m a bad ass bitch and I rocked that fucking job. Granted, at the end of the night I was happy to take off my new black jacket (cause I didn’t have one before) and my new cheap sparkly shoes (cause I didn’t have any cute dress shoes for the event). With shoes in hand and jacket over my shoulder I walked painfully to my car. Both shoes and jacket were things that I couldn’t afford but I bought out of respect of the event and the reason behind the event. Those cheap shoes ate up my feet as I ran back and forth all night.
The admin person that was in charge of the volunteers in the front (and thus of me), said that the timing of processing people through was the fastest he’d ever witnessed but the leadership was still not happy with the timing. I wanted to say, “Well maybe the leadership should not be drunk before the night gets started and before they hit the stage. Maybe then they would see how hard everyone worked and volunteered their time for free.” But I refrained. The difference between me and all the other volunteers is I had to fight to volunteer my time. And I still did it because of the clients I got to know in my short time there- love them.
I can hear some of you cunts now, “Ugh, Lee I don’t get it why would you have to fight to volunteer your time?” Well bitches, I’m glad you asked, cause I was just about to tell your hair flippin asses.
It all started with Ian; he was the grossest kind of bully- at my last employer. After they refused to do anything about his bullying, our supervisor turned against me after I went over her head. As I’ve said before, I had to go over her head to HR. Then she got in trouble for not doing anything about the bullying (which resulted in Ian also discriminating against a student he supervised and fired her because “she had a smelly pussy.” And the way she dressed, which was just fine for a student.). Then my boss’s boss ended up being my supervisor and she teaming up with HR, didn’t want me to volunteer. But I documented everything and anything they said, because they were being fuckin bitches – and them bitches were in the wroooooong. They tried everything to make me uncomfortable.
I think there’s a small-town mentality, because we are a small town, that they’ve gotten use to doing whatever they wanted without consideration or abiding by federal laws. That all stopped because- I’m a squeaky fucking wheel and am educated enough to know their actions were against the law. I also know that I didn’t do anything wrong and that I loved my job because of the people I got to serve. I hadn’t experienced anything like it. And I worked with kids in Utah, but fuck them kids- I’d rather work with you guys. (The fuck them kids is supposed to be funny, not real. I loved those kids too. I adopted one of those fuckin kids.)
I don’t usually say names, but this Ian is the most disgusting bully I’ve ever had. And I’ve had plenty. So being the honest person I am… or think I am… fuck it and fuck him (fuck you Ian). I challenge them to tell me where exactly I did anything wrong. Even that Ian bitch. Why? Why were you so entitled to behave like a nasty cunt to me and this student? Who the fuck do you think you are? You disgusting piece of shit. I’ve heard of other nasty things you’ve done here in the desert to people…and what you did to that person who had quit meth, you blew smoke in his face. That’s the kind of disgusting person you are. Fucking gross. Had I not been on such a happy joy filled high of my own from getting to move here you would have been met with a different response. I’m happy to meet you there today.
Sorry, I got sidetracked. I was saying, I was watching Drew Barrymore and she had on Barry Manilow, LOL. It was the most real interview I think I’ve seen in forever. So much so that it brought a tear to my eye. Okay, it brought a couple of tears to my eyes (not just the lazy one). It was so sweet, so heartfelt and so honest. You don’t see said honesty so much in the world today. I hope I’m always honest, if not honest, funny, and act in love. (Unless you come for me …then what choice do you leave me with?)
Speaking of honesty, I’m writing this and listening to Barry Manilow, because I’m not a Fanilow or a Mani-hoe (I expect gay fans go be called Mani-hoes.) I’m realizing that when I have such a hard stance on male vocalists, I’m missing out on supporting our own people, because they are men too. They are not the ones who hurt me but for some reason my brain lumps them all together. I’ll do better. Or I’ll try to do better to train my brain that not everything has to be JLo, Christina, or Whitney.
The interview made me realize that some white gay men should also make it into the same safe spaces of my brain as Ruples and Billy Porter. I think I can open up my brain enough, I hope, to listen to white men singing for pleasure too.
I think I may have already started to let it into my brain more because it was the safety of Drew Barrymore that was introducing him to my brain. It felt safe and then I realized I’ve been foolish to have such a hard stance on it. (I don’t even listen to Ricky Martin unless he’s pared with JLo or Christina.) It’s just the faulty wiring of my brain.
I appreciated the fact that Mr. Manilow grew up poor and wasn’t ashamed of saying it. It was equality as touching to hear him say he never dreamed so big that he could visualize his life today. That’s honesty and beauty all wrapped into one interview. If you haven’t seen it, you should. And maybe I’m on this island alone and you’ve seen him in a lot of interviews before, I just haven’t. It’s refreshing to see honesty and vulnerability.
Speaking of trauma… I’m so excited to roll out a new therapeutic intervention with my clients. I just completed a 3-day training course for Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and it has the potential to help a lot of people in our community in 1-2 sessions. My inner skeptic was in disbelief while learning about it. It took me being a client (as part of the practicum) to realize there is something to this shit.
I found myself asking, “Why would any therapist practice this if people get help in 1 or 2 sessions? How am I going to live on that?” Then I checked my inner American me-me-me “win at any cost” mentality, and my inner being said, “Because if you can help people overcome a traumatic event and find their happiness that fast- YOU SHOULD DO THAT YOU BITCH!” And I will.
I’m excited to help people with something as simple as reading a script and eye movement. The client- you do all the work with ART. I can’t wait to see how well it works in the real world, in our gay world. The videos we watched depicted real happiness, when people are able to process their trauma and get out of fight or flight mode- it touches your soul to witness.
In My Pursuit for Learning, Helping, and Becoming a Mani-Hoe,
The Happy Homo
PS Men signing aren’t so bad. Still trying to find as much joy in it as I do female vocalists. I just have always found female’s to be safe (mostly).
PSS And on Drew she also talked about social media and stories and she and Ross Motha’ Fuckin Mathews talked about how hard it would be to sue someone for speaking the truth on a public platform. Well, my story is based in truth, my truth and so says the case before the EEOC.
PSSS I’m a little Mani and Pedi in this blog post. Xo
PSSSS Congratulations to America Ferrera for your Oscar nomination for supporting role as Gloria in Barbie. Fuck YAAAS! Condragulations- sashay may you always stay in our hearts. You deserve to win this for everything you do! America por siempre!
PSX5 My new saying for bitches who struggling in all the wrongs ways is, “You destitute.” This is brought to you by Rhonda- Motha Fuckin I’m 80 years old- Rae.
PSX6 Initially I wrote this last week but didn’t post it cause I wanted to proof it. I’m just been so busy – succeeding and actually finding my happiness again (a message to those bitches who tried to bring me down and make me fail). Since then, I’m half way through “Griselda”, staring Sofia Verga.. I mean Vergara. I think I just have verga on the brain. I guess in that sense I am a mani-hoe. My point- you should watch this series. She’s soooo incredibly talented. More than I even realized.
PSX7 If no one has told you lately… you matter. Your voice matters. You are deserving of love, kindness, and opportunities. I also wish you much success in all you do; except for Ian and Monica Garcia from the RHOSLC. Ew, to just actively try to destroy people for fun? Online bullying- so gross. I wanted so much to like Monica Garcia, but what a snake. She installed the security cameras at Jen Shah’s property and then spied on them. Barf! So disgusting and to stalk people with the intention to hurt them- fucking gross. That is borderline behavior, just like Ian. Crazy and disgusting. And then she was trying to act like a hero about. Barf x100. I hope you both get exactly what you put out in the world.
PSX8 These pictures are of when Ron was mad at me for doing what he wanted. I connected his TV at his house to the Amazon app, so he could watch his favorite gay actor, Matt Bomer. This crazy old bitch swoons when she talks about him. It’s adorable. He is not tech savvy, and neither am I. But I can connect the tv to Amazon and so I did. Then he couldn’t get it to connect to his cable box after he said he wanted it to be on Amazon. She was mad, and growing anger at me every minute. I told him I couldn’t go back and fix it tonight because I got stoned and was doing laundry. He tried so hard to show me what was on the tv and the buttons on the remote but couldn’t get the camera right- AT ANY POINT OF THE CONVERSATION. So I couldn’t help virtually. LOL, and she was mostly showing me half of her face during the entire video call; which she is getting better at. Oh I mean bitter at…. Technology is a bitch and yes old bitches be swooning. 🙂 This is Rhonda’s angry at Lee face(s) and my stoned faces.
PSX9 And I won’t be volunteering at their next big event. One time was enough – I’d rather go where they actually appreciate you giving up your free time.
PSX10 and I do love me some Rhonda Rae. She cracks me the fuck up and sometimes that bitch makes me mad.
PSX11 Oh shit, I wonder who got kicked off this week? I haven’t watched it yet. I hope it’s Jane.
