So, yes I highly recommend Johnny Costa’s for good Italian food. And yes, that waitress got tipped a little more than 20%. How do I know? Well, because I’m always paying the tab for this old cheap skate! And I do love him, but I don’t always want to pay for his 86-year-old ass (I tell him he’s 82-86 just to fuck with him but she always remembers how old she is. That cheap bitch knows she’s 81.).
The waitress came up to leave the check and I grabbed it from her hand because by this point I’d assumed correctly that I was covering Ms. Daisey again. Then when she came back to pick it up it was on the table. When she came back after running it, she tried to hand it directly to Rhonda Rae and I quickly snatched it. “That’s mine. Thanks.”
Yes, she’s cheap and smart cause she always leaves me with the bill. And she does it on purpose! She was supposed to buy dinner tonight, but she never does. She is the biggest penny pinching hoe I know.
So REWIND, I pulled into the parking lot of Johnny Costa’s and called Ron to tell him there were a lot of parking spots in the rear. He answered the phone and his words were slurred. I asked why he sounded so weird and even followed up with a, “Are your dentures loose?” and a, “Are you drunk? You been drinking already?” He denied all of that and I proceeded to give him directions to the back parking and waived my arms about to help him locate me.
His crazy cracker ass slurred his words on the phone with me all the way until he parked his car in two stalls; I was only holding one for him. I then did me, which is sometimes is too much ad I admit it, but I began to ask questions that I knew weren’t a no or yes answer. I asked what he had for lunch. I asked him about his day. I asked if he was feeling okay.
After he continued to slur his words in front of my beautiful face I administered a few tests that I had seen the neuro docs do in the ER when we had stroke patients; yes I had to witness all of that wile working in the ERs in Utah and I paid attention to most of it cause it was always a super stressful situation. Like- way stressful!
He failed the smile test, the raising his eyebrows test, the hand test and tongue test. Then I had him lift both hands up and wiggle his fingers and he did it. Then his words started to not be slurred. He asked what the fuck I was doing, and I said, “Ron, I think you might be having a stroke.” Which led to him saying he wasn’t and declined a ride to the hospital or a call to 911 for further evaluation. Then I had him repeat the tests and he was fine.
I encouraged him to go to the ER because his kids would think I killed him for a yummy dinner (which I always end up fucking paying for anyways). He declined and after a few minutes of me testing him everything returned to normal. He had good strength in both arms and was able to grab my moving fingers (cause I was fucking with him at that point) and I had no more evidence to even sell a stroke to a 911 operator. Besides, nothing I would have done would not have been welcomed. “NOOOOOO MOOORE HOSPITALS!” he said. Besides, he’s already on Xarelto and I think I watched it do it’s thing in real time.
During dinner he shared with me that his departed husband Rick has been coming to see him in his dreams the last couple of nights. This is new and I’ve often asked this over the last two years. I told him that is the sweetest thing I’ve heard in a while and that I don’t think that his time to join him is super far off. He agreed and said he didn’t either, but he was going to “live his life” while he had it. I agreed with him and its good advice for us all.
I started to cry a little, not like an ugly cry. Like how a beautiful Latina model would cry… a couple of tears streamed down my pretty face. He smiled at me, and I just felt love. It’s beautiful that love can transcend life and death. I love to believe that he is visiting him in his dreams because I know there’s more after this. I’ve had way too many crazy weird experiences for there not to be something I can’t see.
Knowing that and being a good Utahn/Christian/Bible whore for Jesus that I am, I was trying to get this bitch to say a little prayer with me cause it seemed like the perfect time for it. But just like so many times over the last 2+ years that bitch refused. I then got mad at him and judged him just like a good Latina model and Christian would.
Then after pestering him post bottle of cheapest bottle of wine on the menu, I gave up and just sat there enjoying the moment. I told him that it is sweet for Rick to come see him in his dreams. He said, “Hey, I just have that conversation inside. Not out. Not with people.” I lit up and said, “That’s all you had to tell me you dumb bitch. You could have said that a long time ago but you always gotta fuck with people’s emotions!”
I then got on my knees and did three Hail Mary’s, blew two patrons in the restroom, and gave Rhonda Rae complete absolution. *I also offered forgiveness for making me get this fn bill too!* Always sinning that Rhonda Rae. Just like I like him- sinful, funny, and bitchy.
I carried his food (that I BOUGHT) to his car for him and we both went on our way.
Happily a Sinner and a Saint,
The Happy Homo
PS So my new Harris Walz white t-shirt I was talking about earlier … well this beeoch at work earlier in the day said, “What brand is Harris Walz? Who is Harris Walz?” My mouth dropped as I thought so many things in my head but the most pronounced was, “The people protecting your uterus, Va-J-J and whole body’s freedom bitch.” But through my teeth said, “The person running for President of the United States. And Walz is her running mate?”
I don’t have much of a poker face so although I was thinking to myself, “Bitch show her your be nice face.” I don’t think that’s what happened. I held my tongue but my face do what it want! (even with Botox) I can’t help it! Ugh, it’s been so long since my last Botox appt. ☹
PSS Tonight, I realized, not everybody deserves my love, trust or time. I try to start there but if it’s not welcomed or responded to in kind, I move to a different place as soon as I can. I’d prefer to keep my face all up in loving places but that’s not always up to me. I thought about changing how I start in love and maybe starting from a different place. At least until someone earns my love but that kinda sucks and although I think more poorly about humanity as a whole these days I haven’t given up on us completely. I’ll continue to start where the fuck I want and that’s in love until otherwise proven difficult or differently.
PSSS Sometimes sitting nude in your own home while listening to your own music, stroking your big white pussy while watching the hummingbirds from your recliner, sniffing some poppers from time to time, and/or drinking some booze while swallowing some Xarelto is all a gal needs to be happy. I get it- I love the feeling of my home, my own space that I don’t have to share if I don’t want to. A place where there’s peace… that is all a gal needs. *Arms pressing moobs together and shimmying for you* May we all find a piece… I mean peace. Both. 😉
PSSSS Holy shit did ya’ll catch the Harris – Willie Nelson- Beyonce, Kelly, and Momma Knowles rally in Texas? “The Harris team said around 30,000 supporters filled the Texas rally.” I knew we weren’t alone, we out number them and we have to stick together. Watch it! It’s pure American Power. God Bless America and our future first woman President Kamala Harris.
Loooves it I had to watch it a few times https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8kYjy6FvHk
