I recently wrote, “15 Reasons to Befriend an 80-Year-Old.” I wanted to give you all the information, the flip side of the coin. That way you can make your own mind up with all the information. Recent experiences led me to make me feel like I wasn’t being completely forthcoming. You should have all the information.
Last week my little funny cranky bitch of an old man homie had a health scare. Well, it scared the shit out of me and didn’t seem to worry him all that much. Without saying too much, Rhonda Rae was having some cognitive deficits and wouldn’t let me take him to the hospital and wouldn’t take himself. In that moment, after I realized what was happening, I got a little freaked out. You see, he misses his husband so very much and wishes to be reunited.
I came home after and cried and then cried a little bit more. I said, “That old bitch is going to die and leave me in the dessert all alone.” I thought what the fuck am I going to do. Then it went to holy shit, I’m crying over a little almost 80-year-old man that I’ve only known for 6 months. How did this happen? How in the world did I get attached to this cranky funny and wrinkly white man antique? He’s become my little best friend in the desert that I speak to almost ‘er day. We usually go out to eat 2-3 times a week or out for drink and we rotate who pays. I didn’t expect to fall in love with this friendship with Rhonda Rae. How did that even happen?
I realized how selfish I was being and how I was only thinking about myself. I wasn’t honoring his feelings or the love that he shared with his husband. That’s what drew me in, his stories about the love he has for Richard or Rick. I tell him all the time that I hope one day to have what he had. To love someone like that- that I would miss so much it hurts.
I don’t mind being alone, should… no when he decides to leave me. I just hadn’t thought that far ahead and have been living in the fun moments we were having. I am not ready for that to end just yet. I realize more and more that I have no control over any of that. The false sense of longevity is now burdened with the truth that he will die one day. That’s what happens to old people, they end up dying despite your readiness. They leave you no matter how full they make your heart feel or how much you like laughing at his funny old man cunty comments.
So, there you have it, the truth. Now you can make up your mind because the mortality rate of human beings is still 100%. Knowing that, I still wouldn’t change a mother fucking thing about my Palm Springs journey. I think you should make an 80-year-old friend. It’s been an amazing experience for me and whether that old bag is still alive or not, I will cherish the friendship and the time spent with him.
I’m going to try and make every phone call count and every drink or meal we share matter. He’s my ride or die here and unfortunately, he will likely die sooner than later. And my heart will hurt but I still wouldn’t change a mother fucking thing. I love him. I would rather have these experiences than not.
As I type this I realize, maybe I already do have the love he has that I’m so envious of. It just looks different. Its in a different form and it is our friendship. I’ve asked the universe for love and it manifested. Fuck! Damn! Shit! I should have been more specific.
DEAR UNIVERSE, I meant someone like Luke Macfarlane from Bros. Someone I could have years of hot romantic passionate butt fucking sex with. Someone who will adore and love me as much as I do them. Fuck, how about, at the very least a Luke lookalike? Are you still listening Universe? All joking aside, that old bitch has helped me feel valued and loved. I needed that so much. And for that I am eternally grateful.
So here you go-
Reason #1 Not To Befriend an 80 Year Old Gay Man- One day, likely sooner than later, they are going to die. They will leave you no matter how much you want them to stay. Everything is temporary, you are temporary, and I am too.
I realize that I’m in a city where most people are older and retired. They are living part of that dream I mentioned in the other post, to retire in a safe, loving, and beautiful place where people will love us for who we are, free from discrimination and that’s where we get to feel real freedom. We get to call this place home. Palm Springs is our home.
We are just in different phases of gettin dat dream. Nonetheless, when Ron does draw his last breath, I will grieve in a way similar to Ron (for the loss of Rick) and like many of you have or are for your husbands that have passed. Its all part of this beautiful dream making machine and now I’m a small piece of those moving parts in Palm Springs and I’m a dream catcher too.
I can do hard things. I’m no stranger to loss, sadness, or grief. But I will have to pick myself up, hold my head up high (like I have for so many other reasons) and participate in life and chase my dreams. Now, more than ever, I get to live it and I never thought I’d get the chance to. I’m living in what feels like the safest place I’ve ever been and that means something to me. It makes me happy. Especially now and I’m not going to squander my chance(s) at happiness. It is something that we continually must work for. Its not easy, but life is not easy. But you probably already know that.
Many of us have experienced loss and grief in different forms or will. And it’s terrifying to take the next step and to make social connections when we know no one here. And that’s part of all our dreams, to feel connected, loved and to love again. So, remember that you can do hard things. You can get out of your comfort zone and make a new friend. Maybe it will be an 80-year-old funny and adorable bitch like Rhonda Rae. You need to make that next step, because uninvited loneliness will stay with you until you kick it out. Also be open to those who are taking their next steps out of loneliness and grief to make connections, friendships, or more. They are still chasing their dreams.
Get your dreams bitches. I’m going to try and get mine.
With Love and Gratitude,
The Happy Homo
