As a psychotherapist I often talk to my clients about the “Body, Mind, and Soul-cialize” concept. Across from them, I say, “I have the best seat in the city.” Meaning, as a therapist, I get to see the underbelly of depression, sadness, loneliness, rejection, and shame here in Palm Springs. I break that down and realize that Palm Springs is a culmination of the country. I acknowledge that so many of us homos are struggling with pain.
Then I get to try to wade through the muck of it to help someone identify their disconnection, why it holds so much power over them and then see if there is a possibility of reframing it or softening it to manageable form. Then we work on controlling it instead of it controlling us. When you identify and name the muck, you can talk about it and sometimes it becomes a little less scary. I’ve had a lot of muck in my own life, and I’d like to say, “Fuck that muck!”
When I arrived here in the desert I was overwhelmed. I wasn’t overwhelmed with fear, I was overwhelmed with joy. It fucking rocks here! I’ve never felt so alive, free, or beautiful as Palm Springs makes me feel. This place has a way of saying, “Hey guy, on your ugliest and most bloated day I’ll still suck your dick.” That sounds like a place I want to call home, and now I do.
I didn’t realize how much of a prison I was living in, in Utah. No, I’m not talking about Utah’s lowest blood- alcohol driving limit in the country, but that is a factor. No, I’m not talking about their metered drinks, or their State Liquor Store, and I’m not even talking about the 86 year reign of the low percentage of alcohol in beers that finally changed in 2019. I’m talking about the hate there. I’m talking about being other-fied by so many for what I look, sound and act like. In the past it was more of a silent attack and you could feel it and you could suspect it was there, but then you were left questioning, did that really happen?
After the Orange devil much of that silent attack come to a halt for me. I was living in a pretty conservative city and couldn’t quite break into the housing market in SLC (where the normal people live). Thank God I didn’t because it was cheaper to move to the desert than it was to move to SLC. When I say “normal” what I really mean is people who believe in equality, opportunities, and justice for all. I’m surrounded by my normal here, a normal where I want to be.
I worked in SLC at the University of Utah Emergency Room, doing what Californians dub “51/50s”, and the loudness of hate would bleed into my job there too. I remember on one occasion these two tall white maintenance men were fixing a big metal fire retention door. I would walk by them to get to the ER. Every time I did, they would talk shit about me and make fun of me, I could fucking hear it. They made no efforts to muffle their hate. “Look at the gay Oompa Loompa.” Or they would sing the Oompa Loompa song and call me a fag and I had to walk by them every time I could see the arrival of a new patient or there was an update on one of our patients.
Well, this little Oompa Loompa turned around and confronted those mother fuckers. “What the fuck did you say to me?” “Do YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME?” They were surprised and I think for the first time they thought, “Oh shit we might have fucked with the wrong Oompa.” They denied they had any problems with me but now I was pissed. I made a formal complaint to the hospital administration. The bullies were given a warning when they should have been fired. That’s just one of many of the outwardly mean bully type experiences that increased greatly since the Orange Devil was elected. I’m so glad he’s gone.
Fast forward, a month into Palm Springs and a month of Palm Springs being in me. My little old man bestie Ron told me to go check out the work out in the park. I thought, “Ew, bugs, morning, and working out doesn’t really interest me.” To be honest, I was a chubby kid and working out has never been something I love doing. I’ve never been one of those happy to work out kind of people, its always a chore. I do however like the benefits it brings. I like looking snatched and feeling better. I also have to practice what I preach because it really does improve my mental health too. Yes, therapists also should be working on their own mental health and wellbeing. We’ve all got mental health fluctuations, it’s part of this human experience.
I decided, fine I’ll do it- I’ll go to the gross park. Even after only a month in the desert and I realize that 7:30-8:30 AM is the tail end of the sweet spot of hot ass summer day. I googled “Work out in Ruth Hardy Park.” Some videos popped up and so did a website. I thought, “Hmmmm, it doesn’t really look like a gross park. That’s a hot Daddy. You love hot Daddies, do it.” I was nervous, just like most of the other homos that showed up on their own for this class. I picked my yoga mat, my tiny work out booty shorts, a bottle of water, sunscreen (yes, bitch protect the skin), and I looked for my bravery. See, I was in a pretty vulnerable state of being. I’d just cried almost every day for a month after arriving here. I was saddened by the experiences over the last few years and then the experiences before that. Then when I cried those tears out of my body, I was filled with joy. So much joy that I cried because I was so grateful to be here, safe and out of Utah.
I decided, I’m going to be brave today. Today’s the day. I parked my car in one of the parking spaces, in the lot at Ruth Hardy Park. I looked around and thought, “This park isn’t gross at all. Its super cute.” I took a couple of deep breaths and walked up to the crowd and towards the loud hot white Daddy with the microphone. Everyone seemed so nice. The instructor was the hot daddy from the video I mentioned above. His name is Ted, Ted Guice. He acknowledged me as he does the new people that come to his class. He asked a couple of questions and then said, “Oh, you are going to be okay here.” Chuckled a little bit, “Oh yea, you are going to be just fine.”
Although he could have meant it in a different way, because I was dressed in skimpy clothes, looked a little slutty and young (young compared to the average age here in Palm Springs and nowhere else), and I was willing. Willing to be brave, willing to step out of my comfort zone and attend the class. When he said “you are going to be just fine” I almost cried. I felt a lump rise in my throat and if someone would have merely bumped me the tears would have fallen down my face because I thought, Fuck, finally! Finally, I’m going to be okay. It had a different meaning for me. Finally, I’m going to feel safe. Finally, I’m no longer other-ized. I’ve found my people, my community, where I can just be- just be without people constantly fucking with me because they can and just because I’m me. Finally, I can start to heal myself. And finally, finally, I’m home.
I don’t know Ted very well, really hardly at all. I used to go to his class, follow him on social media and see him at the gym sometimes. Since starting my job I’ve been only able to follow him on social media. A little Ted Talk – even on social media makes you laugh. He has a way about him in his class that is welcoming, it draws you in and makes you feel like you know him. He’s got this magic that calls you back for another work out at the park because the last time you left feeling connected, feeling like part of the community, and feeling better in general.
This isn’t a love letter to Ted, although I do love a hot daddy that doesn’t wear underwear and their junk bounces ‘to and fro’ as he demonstrates the exercise he wants you to do. This is a love letter to you! Get out there! Be brave and go do something positive that makes you uncomfortable. But don’t get me wrong, I do love Ted because of his magic and because he makes people feel better. He is a part of the “Body, Mind, Soul-cialize” concept which directly impacts my work. It gives me a tool or a place to send people that need connection, because we all need connection.
Something else Ted does, if you didn’t glean it from my comments so far, is he makes you laugh while you work out. The Ted Talk- “jibber jabber” shit is the best way to start your day. You are working out and laughing so much you forget you are working out. There are different types of people, different ages, different levels, and different abilities at this class. Everyone is welcomed there, even me. It was a pretty awesome feeling- to be welcomed and maybe eye fucked a little bit. I needed all of that. I feel like I’ve had so much unwelcomeness in my existence that feeling welcomed is so moving and it’s a huge and much needed hug to my soul. That’s why I call it “soul-cializing.” If your soul needs a hug too, try it.
Oh, the best part of the class (besides the people) is that it’s free. I noticed how connected Ted is to the community and various community agencies. Being a stranger in Palm Springs and learning to navigate it on my own, stuff like that matters. However, you can take a few bucks and put it in “Tip Hat” because he deserves it. Just the tip. (But really who wants just the tip? I want the whole goddamn thing!) I digress, tipping is good.
Ted and G- Force are not the only work out places in Palm Springs but it is the only one I’ve tried. I would also feel comfortable doing Endeavor with Jase. I’ve talked with him (Jase) a few times at G-Force Work Out and he seems like really good people. Like people you could let your hair down with and be safe doing so. And he exudes kindness and love like Ted does.
If you don’t believe me about connections, socialization, along with working out and the positive effects it has on you, watch the Netflix documentary, “Stutz.” No, I’m not trying to compare myself to him. He’s way smarter, way better and way more organized that I ever want or need to be. I’m fine just as I am and fuck that took me a long time to be able to say and believe.
“In Stutz’s Life Force model, there are three levels to what make you, you: The bottom, most primal level is your relationship with your physical body, the second level is your relationship with other people and at the top of the pyramid is your relationship with yourself. Stutz says that if you’re lost, depressed or feeling stuck, it’s important to work on your Life Force first — take care of your body, take care of your people, take care of yourself. Once you do, figuring out how to move forward becomes much, much easier.”
Watch it- it’s good. Also go to one of these work outs at the Park or somewhere else there are good people. Another word of advice don’t be a bully. A human being can only take so much cruelty from this world. The energy of that hate either continues to darken an already hurting soul (possibly killing it entirely) or its going to come out in the form of rage. A lifetime of unbridled rage can be scary. It can lead to so many negative things, I’m a living testament to it. So much unnecessary pain. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be a spirit maker or a spirit breaker?” Then if you choose to be a Spirit Breaker- be careful because sometimes an Oompa Loompa will fuck you up.
One way we can combat the negativity or rage forced upon us is with kindness and Soul-cializing (socializing). Social connection(s) is crucial for improved mental health. Although we are in the Land of Milk and Hunnies, Hunny, we often are shown we don’t get to let our guards down completely. Bullies exist here too. We got to keep them up a little, until we all come to the understanding that we as gays are no longer going to devour our own and we all conclude that Palm Springs is a safe place for ALL of our people. I find it disappointing when the bullied become the bullies. We move here for love, kindness, a piece or to be a piece, and let’s not forget peace and joy for the remainder of our lives. Let’s be kinder to each other. Be a soul maker!
So many of us are hurt and even knowing the answer to resolve that hurt involves social connections, its hard to do. So, I encourage you to find a kind and fun place to make those social connections, like with Ted and the G-Force Work Out Crew. You, your physical health and your mental health will thank you for it.
For more info about Ted – https://tedguice.com/services/g-force-workout/
or for Jase https://www.facebook.com/endeavorpalmsprings and https://gaydesertguide.com/events/endeavor-with-jase/
