Today is Sunday and as a self-proclaimed Jesus lovin homo I went to church. I’ve gone to a few different churches in search of a loving church family here in the beautiful and hot city of Palm Springs. I like church and it was instilled in me from an early age to get my ass up and go. I like the sense of community and I like that my voice gets drowned out by a choir or other attendees. That means I can sing as loud as my little tone-deaf heart desires. And it desires a lot!
Have YOU heard the GREAT NEWS? The men out here don’t even quit trying to hit it, even on Sunday. Not even being in a church will stop them. They don’t take a day of rest, like the heavy book of condemnation commands. That is quite alright with me because they sure know how to make a homo feel pretty, welcomed, and moist. (I am not even talking about the wafer dunked in wine.)
I was at a local Catholic Church when one man shook my hand, during the “Peace be with You” part of the service. This older man didn’t let go of my hand when he was supposed to. He prolonged or edged the handshake, if you will. I tried to pull it away, and he began to tickle the palm of my hand with middle finger. I’ve learned this is the old timer secret handshake meaning, “Wanna fuck?” Before they invented Grindr, there were secret handshakes, looks, and cruising locations (oh my goodness-yes!).
My mind was not even thinking about getting laid when I entered the doors. It took me a second to realize this man wanted to bone, and now that I know it’s an option to pick up a gay at church, it’s on my mind now. I pretty sure my face went from a confused look to a surprised one, to “AAAAH, how sweet. I get it- thank you but no thank you.” I tell you I’ve never been hit on so much my life, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I love it! I love it! Thank you, Jesus, I love it! I looked up at the cross, “Praise be. Thank You God.”
I know that many people within the LGBTQ community feel a certain way about church and I can’t blame them. They’ve been beaten, battered, and told they are not welcome in what is supposed to be a loving place. It doesn’t help that “the religious right” continues to target my (our) community and women’s rights in the name of God or “morality”. So much for the shit Jesus talked about, eh? He said there are two important rules to follow. “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, … A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.” How do they just ignore that shit, paint His face white and make His eyes blue and say He’s about love but then turn around and hate and discriminate against groups of people trying to find Him? I think Jesus frowned upon hypocrites.
It’s weird to think that their ideas of morals are permission slips to hate. They got it all wrong! Because that sounds evil to me. Its also strange to hear them exclude people from His table. Bitches, that table isn’t yours- it’s His. In the words of Taylor Swift, “Take several seats.” I don’t allow anyone to tell me that I can’t have a relationship with God, Herself. I don’t need them to get to God. Besides if their god teaches hate- it’s a different one than the one I know.
Recently one of my brothers from another mother and I had a conversation; this friend and his family took me in when I was homeless in my late teens. He told me that he didn’t believe in God and replied, “I believe in science.” I wanted to say to him, “Well bitch I also remember that you got shitty grades in junior high and high school so don’t you have to pass a science class to believe in it? Guess not.” I refrained, but the little devil in me wanted to call that bitch out.
All jokes aside, that sort of sentiment is often said by many people in the LGBTQ community. It breaks my heart that he and many other members of our community have never been given the opportunity to love God or to feel the love of God. Rejection and hateful rhetoric are ingrained in us from such an early age, it follows us through life on almost a cellular level. We don’t want to believe that God hates us. If that’s the case we’d rather not believe that She exists at all. I can honestly say that’s horse shit, those haters got it wrong, She don’t hate us. It’s people that hate us, God doesn’t hate you.
There was one time in my 20s I traveled with Sacred Light of Christ Church, my little church back in SLC, to CA for a Christian revival of some sort. It was the first time that I felt what everyone calls “The Spirit”. It was scary at first because I’d never felt anything like it. It was like thick and soupy air floating above our heads. I remember stretching my hands up and feeling it but there was nothing there. I remember feeling like it was the best high that I had experienced without actually doing any drugs. After the service ended, I was famished. I was hungrier than I had ever been, like there was no food in my stomach. It was the coolest feeling and I hope to feel again someday.
With that said, I wish all the people in my community an amazing spiritual awakening or to be touched by God like that. I imagine getting questions like, “Show me exactly where and how God touched you.” It really was the coolest thing that’s ever happened to me. That and going to a JLo concert a few years ago, a goddess herself worked that stage! I don’t want to pressure anyone to do anything they don’t want to do, especially when our community is still being hit upside our heads with the Bible every chance those mother fuckers get on TV. Those angry people don’t look like love to me and if it doesn’t look or feel like love … well I don’t want anything to do with it anymore.
I’ve tried a couple of churches here in the desert since my arrival. I’m excited to keep trying other ones out too, but I think I found my home. It’s a church that prays, “The Prayers of the People” and some of the prayers were for you and me. They were praying for us before I entered their church:
- Holy One, teach us to protect those who are threatened, those who are Longley, sick, hungry, persecuted, or ignored, that they will find comfort and be sustained by Your Good News. God of love, graciously hear us.
- Holy One, teach us to welcome those who are rejected, and to spread compassion to those who are far away, grant salvation to all in danger, all who are far from home, prisoners, exiles, and victims of oppression. God of Love, graciously hear us.
- Holy One, teach us to make space for those who are voiceless, to work for justice, to defend those who are oppressed and abused, to find new and just ways of righting wrongs, of struggling against exploitation, greed, or lack of concern: that we may find joy together. God of Love, graciously hear us.
Do I think if you don’t go to church that you are going to hell? No, I sure don’t. I think God is Christian, Muslim, Buddhism and every other thing based in love. I have this feeling that God is like, “Oh my Me, I’ve sent you Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad and Jennifer Lopez and you still can’t comprehend the meaning of what I’m saying! It’s not about exclusion, it’s about LOVE. Its not about all the rules in the Old Testament dummies, it’s about being reborn in Love. Oye Vey!”
It’s my belief that God, She knows what people have done to us and is understanding that religious spaces aren’t always a safe place for us to be. For some of us, we’ve already experienced hell here on earth but then we made it to Palm Springs. For many others- hell is something we still live in every day of our lives. She says that’s more than enough pain, because that’s not what She meant at all. I hear Her say, “Tell them dummies they got it all wrong!” I agree, they got it all wrong, that’s not how you show love to people who need it the most. We are all sinners- even them. They don’t get to keep you from His table of love, remember that. I hope that everyone who hasn’t been given a chance to have a relationship with Her, a graciously loving meeting that changes your hearts and minds. I even wish that along with love and prosperity for my brother from another mother who fucking sucked at science in school. I do love the community the church brings in and sometimes there’s a bunch of old hot Daddies attending services. Who knows why I’m on my knees in church? That’s between me and my God.
God Bless you,
The Happy Homo
(That was written months ago. This morning I went to church after taking about a month off. It was the sweetest thing to witness. They had previously asked for the members to write down their most important prayer for the year. As the priests read them my eyes began to fill with water. The congregation didn’t pray for anything for them personally. They prayed for you. They prayed for people who haven’t had a safe place to go and to practice love. They prayed for the LatinX community, the African American community and those affected by the senseless shootings. They prayed for the community and outreach. It was pretty touching. That was probably my favorite part of church. That and when Rev Jessie says, “I just want you all to know you are all so easy to love.”)
