Happy happy Coachella weekend to all who came here to celebrate— and even to those of us(a) who forget it’s a thing here until it’s happening in real time and the grocery store suddenly looks like a casting call for “The Young, Unbothered, and Hydrated.” Which is different than my normally preferred local show, “Dirty Daddies Gone Wild.”
Every year since I’ve been a Palm Springs resident (all four of them — still a bit of an unseasoned and uncool local over here), I still somehow manage to completely forget about Coachella.
Don’t get me wrong — I get it. PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE COACHELLA! I respect it. Coachella is a big deal for the community, the local economy, the artists, and the general stoned vibe of youthful optimism wandering through Ralphs throughout the weekend. People love Coachella, and for a lot of really good reasons.
For me, though? It’s never really been on my radar. Financially and geographically— it just didn’t compute when I was a poor Utahn minding my own business and trying to survive. Coachella lived somewhere far beyond my peripherals and the Mormon temples/churches on the corners of every Utah neighborhood. Now that it’s literally in my gay-bro-hood, I have no choice but to notice it… loudly… every April. I not only notice it but with rumors there may be a Bad Bunny guest appearance- I’m intrigued.
So, on another note…at the request of one of my clients (and Utah friends), I recently started watching Shrinking (yes, the very one starring THE Harrison Ford, and yes co-starring big dick having, Jason Segel. The cast is stacked: Jessica Williams, Michael Urie, Ted McGinley, and Christa Miller, who I’ve decided to add to my mildly obsessed list of favorite humans to watch on screen. I don’t know how she does it, but the different character’s she’s played over the last few years have stolen a piece of my heart, made me laugh, and is so fucking relatable. She makes it look effortless. *Mildly obsessed* is not full-blown obsession- yet; but I am just about to start the second season so TBD.
If you haven’t watched Shrinking yet, you should. It’s about psycho – therapists… or psychotherapists (alliteration or projection?). It’s genuinely funny and warm — which mattered to me because I was worried it might feel a little too much like… work. I’m usually unfunny and cold at work… so? 😉 And the things I’d do with a huge dick like that Jason Segel has …*sigh* …this community would be wrecked! The point I love about this show is that therapists clearly are not immune to life, trauma, and heart ache. (I know I’m actively challenging, targeting, treating and will soon eventually anal-ihilate my own trauma filled cement shoes. *Work in progress*)
As a therapist with ADHD, showing up fully present for an entire session is both incredibly meaningful and incredibly HARD. PAYING ATTENTION may be free and within my fun money budget but it’s not so easy for all of us(a). And yes, I realize how lucky I am to even be able to complain about this — I truly love what I do and who I do it for. Still, in the happiness of being gainfully employed, sometimes the brain gremlins sneak in and whisper those well-known tunes I’ve danced with for way too long, like “You’re a fraud” or “Everyone else has this figured out but you.” Then there’s the greatest hit, “You don’t deserve this.”
That’s when gratitude and humor really come in handy. I also know better …. I know I’m deserving AF! (My brown gay pansy ass is just as deserving as anyone else. I don’t give a fuck what anyone says about Mexicans or queer people-I know the truth.)
One of the unexpected gifts of working here is how often I learn about myself through my clients. The more stories I hear, the more I’m reminded that we are way more alike than different. I’m also reminded that my Utah nature is to carry things with me that no longer serve me, imprison me or have become the invisible boundaries some therapists talk about in sessions.
I’ve always thought of myself as pretty open‑minded, but I have to admit, I’m learning some shit all the time out here. I’m reminded that love comes in so many different ways, shapes, and sizes and that YOU get to decide what it looks like for YOU. It’s different than knowing as much and seeing it practiced by this community every day. What we can’t forget is that hate looks exactly like what we always knew it did…. Racist, bigoted Evangelicals /fake ass Christians who don’t know what being Christ like would mean, much less apply to their own their own lives. And yet, I’m constantly discovering how deep my own conditioning runs. Ooooo…. It’s deep. Growth has a funny way of sneaking up on you like that. (I hope to be more of a grower and a shower.)
I feel like I’m leveling up on the stages of life and so what if I’m behind the curve? I’m still doing the work. And what I know to be thriving (for me and so far) may be late but it’s welcomed. I am very grateful for this place for allowing me that space to do it in at my own pace. Very grateful for having what I call “fun money”. That’s also growth for me.
Fun money … no it’s not a lot and it sure runs out quick, but the idea behind it is also late but welcomed. Having enough money to pay my bills and still have a little bit of money to do something fun I want to do… like spend on JLo tickets, wine, dinner, and Daddy Rentals is more than I’ve ever had before. (I speak it to the universe right now… please magnify my fun money so I can do some fun shit in a city that is welcoming to people like me. I’d like to be able to afford more fun, please!)
Oh, another reason to watch Shrinking… one of the episodes, Jessica Williams character talks about, “Safe dick…” and getting back out there after a dry spell (or some trauma). It’s a good episode. Now, I know what safe dick is… and I’m personally looking for some as we speak. What will I do with it when I find it? I have some ideas, yet the jury is still out. But that’s where I’m at on my own healing journey and I can’t wait for the rest of the healing to happen.
Google defines it as, “Safe dick: is slang referring to a sexual partner or encounter with a man that is casual, uncomplicated, and carries low risk of emotional drama, attachment, or physical danger. It describes a “kind guy” who provides physical satisfaction without the complexities of a serious relationship or intense emotional commitment, often used in contrast to more chaotic, exciting, or dangerous liaisons.”
I’m no stranger to spiraling in a negative direction. But I also have learned that if I’m good at spiraling, why not the direction? Why not spiral dream up various possibilities? But even so, what if after all my own self work and therapy I turn out to be another one of those monogamous people? What if I really am just another boring homo that has bought into the idea that happiness comes from the heteronormative religious driven marriage standards? OMFG, or what if I turn out to really be asexual? (I probably enjoy my trainers nuts near my face while I’m benching too much for that to be true…but what if it is? eeek!) Do people have a sexual and spiritual awakening in their late 40s? (What about if they look 35 because of all the JLo Beauty Products?) What if I end up not believing in marriage, monogamy or deep love? Oh who am I kidding? I watch and listen to too much JLo for that to happen.
You don’t get to decide what your body identifies as trauma, but it is your responsibility to address it to give yourself the best chance at happiness for the rest of your life.
Superconsciously Loving You,
The Happy and Somewhat Healthier Homo
PS We are living through some crazy times. We are stronger together and don’t let them separate us(a) because of our small differences. We are more alike than we are different. We are all deserving. During this crazy time in our country I look to content creators who are speaking against the evil of this administration. People like Cliff Cash (hilarious), Jolly Good Ginger, I’ve Had It -Podcast, Mermaidmamamaggie, Mr. Williams PerK Pause, The Amazing Dea253 and others who aren’t afraid to speak out against the tyranny we face today and do it with a good sense of humor. Cliff Cash says the politicians are more afraid of pedophiles than they are of us(a). How do we change that? No one is coming to save us(a) but us(a).
PSS OMFG (Update) JLO was at Cochlea!!!! See why I need to go!!!!! Eeeeee! And another professional gay man thinks they may have someone they’d like to set me up on a date with. I like the idea of a Safe Dick Referral Service. 😉
PSSS I’m being brave and trying new things, are you? With as much gym anxiety as I possess… I’m unlearning it. I’ve been trying to get to the gym and work out as much as I can. The hard part for me is showing up at all, but I’ve been doing it. Why? Because I finally have the chance to be free from back pain, a little extra fun money to afford a gym and a trainer, and what I was doing before wasn’t making me happy. So, I’m willing to try something new and excited to see who it brings into my life. I’m excited to get to meet the me on the other side of this trauma. (My goal is to be semi-snatched by July. I think it’s already working.)
PSSSS OMFG just when you get mad at Ruples … I realize that the bitch always is thinking 4-5 steps ahead. Juicy lost last week so that she could fucking murrrrrrder it this week. Juicy and Momma Mia- if you didn’t watch last week’s episode you are missing out! That bitch did the most effortless costume change in herstory!
AAAAMAAAAZING! They should get all the dollars.
PSX5 I went to church today- no big surprise. But I’ll let you know the universe talks to you if you listen carefully. It gives you messages and sometimes lets you/me know we are on the right path. Today the sermon had to do with the invisible boundaries we put up for various reasons… I thought, every Sunday I get a message I need and what a gentle hug and push out the door, while letting me know I’m on the right path.
PSX6 God bless the United States of America- freedom, equality, and equity for ALL. Don’t give up…. Hungary and the rest of the world stands with us(a) against trump, nazi’s and fascist fucks. “Hungary election: Trump ally Viktor Orbán concedes defeat after 16 years as prime minister”. Everything he touches dies.
https://www.cnn.com/2026/04/12/world/live-news/hungary-election-orban-magyar
PSX7 Hmmmm….are you safe dick? (And fuck Shia LaBeouf for not being a safe dick ewe…. and for being a disgusting bigot. Stop supporting people who hurt people. Stop supporting people who would hurt you for being gay.)
PSX8
