Weird fun fact, did you know that humans are bioluminescent? You’re a fucking glow worm and you didn’t even know it. I didn’t either, until the other day. But now we do bitches.
“The human body literally glows, emitting a visible light in extremely small quantities at levels that rise and fall with the day, scientists now reveal. Past research has shown that the body emits visible light, 1,000 times less intense than the levels to which our naked eyes are sensitive.”
Here I thought I was just a greasy Mexican. Which I also thought was my secret weapon to having good skin. Well, that and Botox, Neutrogena antiwrinkle eye cream, and Dove soap. JLO products are just outside of my budget, for the time being. Maybe it’s Maybelline and maybe not. Maybe it’s not even my natural Mexican oils, perhaps it’s my inner light shining out? Wynonna Judd repeated something her mom said (may she rest in peace), that was similar to a saying by Leonard Cohen, a singer/songwriter who has since passed. I love me some Wynonna. Mr. Cohen said, “The idea is that everything is flawed. Yet, there is also hope despite the flaws. It is through the cracks where the light comes in.”
Wynonna said in Her Story Concert, which was bad ass, “My heart has been broken so many times but, Mom recently said, honey let them see the brokenness, let them see the cracks in your armor that’s how the light gets out.” I’m not saying let everyone see you all cracked out, but I am saying that I understand brokenness and I guess being cracked out too.
I see so much beauty here in the desert. Not just the mountains, the citrus trees, cactus’ blooms, and the other desert flowers but the people, our people. Its fucking cool to be blessed enough to experience it. I never thought I would. I also see so much pain here, so much brokenness (like mine), and so much drug addiction. I didn’t realize how saturated this place is with meth, even more so than Utah. I’m not judging, because bitch I was there once. Although it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done to quit, it was the easiest and scariest place to hide in my own pain and feelings of rejection.
I’m trying to say Glow you little horny Glow worms, let that light shine. Don’t dim your light for meth. I did for too long and I see a lot of your lights being dimmed. Ha, new meaning to dimly lit. I see you and recognize that look in your face and sadness in your eyes as one I’ve seen in my own reflection. I’m here to say you are beautiful as you are. You are loved as you are, and they haven’t told us that enough in our lives. Even if you’re on meth, you are loved and you need to hear that if you want to have hope, the first ingredient to change.
Sometimes we forget about our beauty or being loved. and need a good reminding. Society tends to tell us how wrong we are, for the Love of Wyonna, those damn red states are making policies directly attacking our/out kids. They are proposing laws that would tell our trans kids they have to stop their treatment (if they’ve started) forcing a transition back to the gender assigned at birth.
It’s so awful that legislators feel comfortable enough to fuck with kid’s lives in this way. So much for living in a free country or letting parents decide what’s best for their kids (I guess that only applies to charter schools that continue to enrich the rich and allow for them to teach skewed history. The less educated we are the easier we are to control.) And bitch Black, Indigenous, Japanese, Mexican, and LGBTQ history is American herstory!
Today I’m feeling a little homesick. At least that’s what I think it is, but I certainly don’t want to go back to Utah. I’m trying to sit in my feelings to better understand and properly identify it. I’m about 2 ½- 3 months away from my year anniversary of becoming a California resident. And in the best part California, I’m a Palm Springs resident where dicks and rainbows are plentiful.
It feels like I have to completely start over with everything. I guess there’s good and bad in that. People don’t know all the things about me like my Utah homies do or even my not so homies do. Not everyone sucks there, it just got weird for me over the last few years. I now realize how much I take for granted walking into a bar where there’s people you’ve known for 27+ years and you know they are going to be there. (Que Cheers TV Show Music). And it’s not just that they’ll be there, but they know who you are, what kind of person you are, and how you’ve changed since your terrible 20s. (And not.)
Dating in Palm Springs is a little nerve racking. Not only do I have to navigate a world full of strangers, but I also have to weed out people who are high on meth. I ain’t (yes bitch I know it ain’t a word so you ain’t supposed to say it), I was saying before this judgy bitch was about to stop reading, I ain’t trying to relapse for anybody! Not you, and definitely not him! I keep saying I’m not in a hurry to meet my future husband and I truly don’t think I am, but I just am waiting to get to know more people to work off a referral system. Like, “Yes, bitch he’s a nice guy. Do it!” or “No bitch, don’t fuck wit dat one!”. One of those things works for me and gets my juices flowing. I wouldn’t mind fast forwarding to the husband part either, now that I think about it.
Is dating really even an option here? Seems like everyone just wants to travel to Boner Town PS where the dicks and rainbows continue to be plentiful, shoot their loads, and leave. And Boner Town PS is totally fine with me too, but is there more than that? I like Boner Town PS- I’ve never lived in a destination city before. Its different and takes a minute, or a year to adjust. Is there anyone out there who isn’t married and over their whore phase? I definitely have an “inner whore” in me and she’d like to be in you too, but she’s not as active as the “over thinking self-critical nerd” in me. But she’s in there for sure. She’s quiet right now because of the ball gag. Tots kidding, I don’t do tie up shit. That’s the “distrusting young broken hearted and disappointed homo” in me speaking. That’s a definite nope for me babe.
After watching the Jeffery Dahmer story on Netflix the “distrusting young broken hearted and disappointed homo” in me became a little more distrusting. And bitch was already a little leery. After watching a couple episodes, and my butthole clinched up, cheeks closed, and my recently descended balls (because of the 120 degrees- Utah is a cold place), turned inward once more. I see a cartoon version of my balls with a little hairy fist wagging at me, “You told us it was safe here. You lied bitch, bye!”
Yea, that shit came out just as my bussy was feeling more comfortable to be out and about, and I mean about, out there sharing with ya’ll. It scared me a little. Are you all crazy? Is it just the hot white men that are crazy? Not like fun crazy but like crazy I’m going to kill you crazy? It only takes one mistake like going home with the wrong really hot white guy to get a bitch murdered. And I love me some crazy hot white men, but the fun crazy!
I already suck (or don’t suck is probably more fitting) at the apps ya’ll use so effortlessly. Grinder, Scruff…mmmmm… I don’t think so. I try it now and again I never know what to say on those things. I feel so dumb.
This is me. “Hey.”
No literally, that’s me. Just that. I don’t ever know how to talk on those things. I am usually not short for words either, as you can tell. It doesn’t feel natural to me, the “Self-critical me” takes control. And besides it’s just riddled with meth. Which I get the whole society beats us up and we hide behind substances analogy but I’m not looking for meth sex. I certainly don’t want to date someone on meth either (and I certainly don’t want a roommate on it). Besides, I recently heard that you long term app hookers look at how old or recent the profile was actually created and don’t talk to people if they are new. It’s the new ones that you all think are the murderers and not safe. I’m never going to win that game cause I always get too annoyed and end up deleting the app from my phone. (I see a vision of my cartoon hairy balls flipping me off, “Ha, ha, you’re never going to get married bitch.)
The last thing I need is another social media addiction even if it does have my neighbor’s big old hairy dicks on it. I don’t want meth near me no matter how tempting the big old hairy dick. If I can help it, and I can, I will say no thanks. Also, you guess it, sometimes people aren’t truthful on those apps. It’s nothing I can help nor completely prevent because it’s everywhere and I realize I’m so glad I didn’t move to Palm Springs before I was really strong enough and ready to do so (as it relates to seeing meth all the time). Had it been 10-20 years ago, I don’t think I would have been as strong willed as I am today. My perspective and intentions have completely changed over the years. I don’t want it and I don’t need it- ever again!
So back to Dahmer, I’m already a “Nervous SNelly” (meaning I’m horny and leave a snail trial in my undies when we make out or see Evan Peters without clothes on. And now Netflix is telling me I could possibly be killed? Netflix you are a bitch. You could have waited another year for the release and gave me a chance to not question these white sexy cracker’s intentions.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll fight a bitch if I have to, especially if my life or someone I love life is on the line. I don’t want to, but I will. I also don’t want to EAT my own words when this white man is trying to eat me. I could hear me now talking to Jeffery D, and I’m sayin,
“That’s not what I thought you meant when you said you wanted to eat my ass!”
“No, I don’t want to try bone(r) broth either!” Or, “That’s definitely a new take on a teethy blow job.” Look bitch, I think your doing that on purpose! Or hey that hurts fucker. I would like to keep all of my appendages thank you. Also, a reminder there won’t be any hand cuffs on me at all. I want to be the gay version of traitor trump and avoidance when it comes to hand cuffs, minus me committing crimes. That bitch is slimy and continues to evade them cuffs like he has done his whole entitled disgusting life. Maybe I could just use them on you? Don’t even ask, I don’t trust you (yet and possibly never) and some white people seem to be getting harder and harder to trust. You want me to let my walls and my manties down? (Manties- man panties i.e. jock strap) While tied up and have no access to my cell phone? No, I’ll just jack off at home on my computer like the other Nervous Snellies drooling all over Even Peters pictures. I can hear me now, “Wow, that is a lovely lamp shade.” You, “His name was Pepe.”
I’ve got a couple more Jefferey jokes and I’m done, I swear.
“Oh, you’re making me a warm bath?” No, that bitch is trying to cook you dummy!
“Oh, I like it when you run your fingernails down my back.” Nah, bitch those are knives and razor blades he’s about to kill you. Run stupid!
“Oh, you’re sweet you made me a drinki-poo.” Nah, bitch, he trying to gut you after you pass out from the Jeffery drugs- roofies he put in there. You ‘bout to be dead.
“Oh, wow he’s a really good kisser.” Nah, bitch, he just likes to eat lengua (Mexican word for tongue. For you really white people, my Mexican familia and people, well the gross ones eat tongue tacos. So gross.).
“Oh, you like to nibble on my ear.” Nah, bitch, he about to Mike Tyson your fucking ear. The ear is just an appetizer you dummy. Run!
“Oh, you are nibbling my balls.” Nah, bitch, he about to bite one of your balls off and they just recently descended because of the 120-degree beautiful temps in Palm Springs.
“Oh, there’s a lot of garlic in this food.” Bitch its cause he’s seasoning you to his liking from the inside, with white wine and garlic.
“Oh cute you made me a wreath of leaves. It’s like a little crown.” Nah dumb bitch that is thyme, basil, and bay leaves. He’s about to season the fuck out of you and eat you! Mmmm.. I do love basil.
“Oh, you trying to undress me here in the Kitchen?” Nah bitch, he wants you naked so he doesn’t have as much prep work to do and your easier to butter naked.
“Oh, you trying to shove something in my ass?” Yes bitch, it’s a turkey baster, that he likes to call his human baster. It’s also filled with wine and vodka. Get out now!
I think that’s all I could come up with for now. But I think you get the jest, it’s kind of scary out there. I don’t know who I’d be more terrified to make out with Jeffery or Mike Tyson? They both bite. And black men were both on the menu. One was bad ass trained boxer, fuck you up if you look at me wrong- Mike Tyson and the other was a serial killer who murdered innocent gay people.
I for one if not going to let fear rule my life and I hope you don’t either. Also, don’t let them dim your light and I won’t either. I’m just glowing at my own pace. Glow YOU nasty little Glow Worms, Glow.
Sincerely,
The Distrusting Young Broken Hearted and Disappointed Happy Homo
PS The gay 19-year-old kid’s murder case has been reopened. Stephen Smith, I hope you get justice. I almost see truth in Buster Murdaugh’s statement, but that doesn’t mean his family didn’t do it or that he doesn’t know who did it. I bet his murderous dad did it in front of him to scare and show him what happens to gay people out there.
PSS Luxx wiped her pussy all over Lucy’s face, back, hair and legs. Luxx cracks me the fuck up and she’s sooo good. They all are and I’m happy Lucy is going home. Gurrrl got on my nerve!
PSSS Luxx was sooo good. Brava Bitch! Brava!
Px4 I have to go soon because Nervous Snelly is about to look up more pics of naked Evan Peters.
Px5 Luxxfidence oozed all over my damn TV screen. I probably should wipe it down. I think she got pussy all over it.
Px6 Even Peters you can eat my ass any day or I’m happy to offer my services too.
Px7 Vote like our lives and the lives and happiness of unborn LGBTQ babies are on the line, because it is!
Px8 It should be easier for people to get help from drug addiction when they are ready to quit.
Px9 I love you. You deserve to exist and thrive. Ugh even you Loosey Ladookie. I may not know my flowers….
Px10 Niecy Nash deserves every award out there! Every damn one- period!
Px11 Ru Paul gave those amazing teachers a weekend stay at the Ace Hotel and Swim Spa. Doesn’t she know how much teachers make? I hope the Ace Hotel or some local restaurants kick in and give them free meals somewhere cause it’s spesive af out here! MTV- you could do better too! Kick in MTV and pay for their whole weekend, including flights! Teachers, good, accepting and loving teachers deserve it. They also deserve to be paid better. Do better America! They taking care of your damn naughty kids.
