There I was around 4 or 5 years old. Overflowing curly hair, silver capped teeth, and the heavy burden of guilt already weighing me down. That’s because I already knew that I was doing something wrong. I knew that there was something wrong with me and I was broken.
How did I know? Glad you asked bitch, cause I was just about to tell you…
Screams, a belt, and angry eyes always seemed to find their way to me. “You don’t play with dolls!” “You aren’t a faggot. Faggots play with dolls.” “Dolls are for girls. Are you a little girl? Quieres que te corte las bolas?”
But she was so beautiful. She was perfect and she was my sister’s Barbie. I remember taking her when no one was looking, undressing her, and looking at her boobs and feeling more drawn to her beautiful long blonde hair than anything. I wanted to brush it and braid it and touch it. I was hiding behind the sofa playing with her in a make-believe land, changing her clothes and one day I got caught. Oh boy, did my dad ever let me know that I wasn’t supposed to play with dolls. He let me know there was something wrong with me.
I think that really sums up our father-son relationship. Sad, but let’s be honest, I’m not the only homo with a shitty dad. Many of you do/did too and I imagine you also dreamed of a Barbie World where you weren’t broken and the was nothing wrong with you; where people were nice and safe, kind, happy, loving and supportive. Go watch the movie!
Barbie even helped little gay kids like me imagine they could be more than I was in that moment. More than the something they said was wrong with me. Don’t even get me started on My Little Ponies, loved them too. Those tails and that cute little pink brush. Oye!
This last weekend I went through my closet and realized I don’t have any cute pink shit to wear to the movie. The instructions were, “Wear pink!” I quickly rushed over to Gaymart. (For my friends back home that haven’t been to Palm Springs yet, Gaymart is on Arenas, which is the name of a street where a lot of bars, stores, and gay life happen. Gaymart is there to skimpily dress you for your gay life shenanigans and if you’re lucky the undressing of it too.)
Barbie the movie, it’s fucking fantastic. If you haven’t seen it yet- you should. If you have children of any age and gender, you should take them to watch it. Take your little boys to go watch it so they know what not to do. The movie brilliantly depicted current day issues driven by the patriarchy and really the brainwashed right winged republicans.
I can hear you now bitch. (Whining voice), “Well Barbie, I mean Lee how can you blame right winged republicans for all that?” And I would respond with, “Well open your eyes Shelby, it’s the right-wing republicans who are pushing for the oppression of women, LGBQT rights, African American history {WHITE WASHING OF AMERICAN HISTORY}, dumbing down public school systems and fucking over the poor; not to mention they support people who clearly fan the flames of hate and white supremacy.
The movie depicted a wonderful Barbie World that I would love to live in. An all-female Supreme Court- yaaaas baaaatch! Gosh, the message it sends to the little girls of today and tomorrow is that they can be anything and they don’t need a Ken (man) to make them happy. Although Ryan Gossmylingling and dem abs sho do make me this homo happy. It really is important for boys to see this too. They should learn how to treat women and how not to be part of the problem in our real world. The messages in the movie- brilliant!!!!
Also, a big huge loud gay man squeal goes to America Ferrera. Oh, my goodness, she looked AMMMMMMAZING! (As did all the Barbies). But America’s monologue was everything! It was truth, with truth, topped and bottomed with more truth. Gurrrl, your performance was delicious. I ate it up like it was a big ol’ dick. Yummm….yummm. Gimme more!
Moral of the story- GIRL POWER! YAAAAS! You have the power to change lives for the better with your vote. Get registered to vote, control your own bodies, lives, careers and dreams. You need no one’s permission, just your imagination; kinda like the imagination of a queer little 4–5-year-old Mexican boy from Utah had. You definitely don’t need our real life high jacked Supreme Court telling you what to do with your bodies.
Get yo’ dreams bitches, and down with bullies, misogyny, the patriarchy, and oppression. I think for me, Palm Springs is as close to a Barbie World as I may ever get to live in. And I’ll take it because I love this place, the trees, the hummingbirds, and most of the people.
Wishing We All Lived in a Barbie World,
The Happy Homo
PS Thank you Barbie for being there for baby gay me, even if only in the safety of secrecy.
PSS America Ferrera I also want to play with your hair too. 😊 I mean it in the least creepy way possible LOL You sooo purrrdy!
PSSS Side note, ya’ll watching Skin Walker Ranch? Then the Congressional hearing about aliens??? Heller? Told you bitches, we aren’t alone. Ya’ll betta act better so they feel comfortable Ru-vealing themselves to us. I know I would be hesitant with the worst of people like the treacherous Mike Lee and Sean Reyes comin up to my worm hole in the mountain. Ew. Are you trying to scare them away? Show them the best of people not the worst.
PSSSS That white man keeps shooting rockets into the worm hole thing on Skin Walker Ranch. *Clutching pearls* Just like some white folks to be like, “What’s this? We should blow it up to find out.” But on the reals, I totally am crushing on Dr. Taylor. *sigh* Not quite a Ryan Gossmylingling but he’s a cute Zaddy 4 sure.
PSx5 Yesterday, I had the chance to work with a new friend who is a talent manager and we worked a reality show proposal. It’s his idea, his vision and I helped put some meat on the bones of, “Pitch Deck Material.” It was fun. He had asked if I wanted to be part of a reality show based in PS. I told him if he gets a Kardashian to be the executive producers, and they boss me around, then I’m all in. 100% or sexy Silver Fox Baby Daddy Andy Cohen. I’d be waaaay in for him too.
PSx6 Kim K all the way bitches. Congrats on the success of Skims and all them dolla bills and everything else you work your beautiful ass off for. Ballin bitches- applause. Living in a Barbie World 😊
PSx7 I use to play with dolls like a girl! 😊 (I use to play ball like a girl. One of my favorite lines in a song).
