No, that is not just a title to this story, it’s a mother fucking question to you CNN? (Gives side eye) CNN, Are You Straight White Washing Us? Hey Don Lemon, if CNN is abusing it’s homos blink twice hard! Oh CNN, you probably don’t like the word “hard” either. Is that also too gay for you? I would ask you to drink twice Mr. Lemon but I wouldn’t be writing this now if they let you ladies have a beverage. I’m starting to rethink our relationship, Mr. CNN!
As a paycheck-to-paycheck homo, I for one love watching Andy Cohen, Anderson Cooper and Don Lemon hosting your New Year’s Eve Show. It’s like they are hanging out with us on a very special day. Don’t ruin it! I enjoy watching these three Kings; alright two queens and one king, live out every gay man’s freakin dream! To be influential and beloved in a way that you can have a positive impact on the world, that’s a special super power to all of us California dreamers or happy homos at home.
I used to think, at that level, no one gets to drag or hold you down. You get to finally be free; really free to be yourself. To be as loud and gay as fuck as you want, without anyone telling you there is something wrong with you. To have a megaphone that screams you matter by their mere presence alone, wow. To do, wear, and say what you want without the risk of losing your job or your ability to provide for yourself. That sounds like real power to me.
But CNN, the message you are sending us this year is that in our funnest state of mind, there is something wrong with us. We can be gay, just not too gay. You can be effeminate but just in a masculine way. You can laugh, but just not too loud. You can speak but butch it up a little bit. You can drink, wait no can’t, unless its water! Now dat’s some bull shit, Mr CNN! The world is a tough place for us homos some time, a lot of the time. The two places I thought it was safe to be yourself, Palm Springs and on CNN, so I thought. I guess just in Palm Springs.
What does that say for those of us who like to have a drink? This ain’t mother fuckin Utah! CNN, I ask that you get your hands off our glasses. Let us drink and be Mary! Lord knows we have to dim ourselves down most of the time, let us have New Year’s Eve, geesh! We always seem to have the man dim our shine as gay men, I guess on all levels. Makes me think, do we ever really get to let our guards down?
That’s right, that’s the question, is CNN diming the light on their homos? Because they really our the homos we love, the homos we watch and support everything they do. So don’t dim their shine. It’s another form of white washing and straight washing of the gay man experience. We are tired of fitting into your square view of the world, we come in many different shapes. Our community sometimes, already instinctively eats each other up. We found some we can all agree on to support. These gays fucking made it! Even if Anderson Cooper is a nepo baby! (A hot one at that.)
Don’t dim their, I mean our shine! Their shine is ours! Let their light shine. Many of us need to see it. It gives us hope.
2022-2023 New Years Eve Party with Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen is the night I fell in love with Ellie Goldberg and realized my favorite news station might be a little misogynistic and heteronormative than I anticipated. CNN, leave them menz alone! Let them have their drink because obviously even at their level, there is always someone standing on our necks.
2022-2023 New Years Eve Party with Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen is also the night that Kevin Hart roasted the fuck out of CNN. He was hilarious! Its also the night I was reminded of my favorite Jennifer Lewis them song, “I don’t want nobody messin with meeeee in these streets. I don’t want nobody messin with meeeee in these streets! Aint no body got time for dat!” CNN it kinda feels like you are messin with us in our streets! So give them back their booze! Its hard to be a gay man in today’s world. Shit, sometimes we need a crutch or two just to survive. Don’t dim our light even more. (Also loved the Shangela cameo. Run, bitch run! Run all the way to the bank with all that success! Bravo!)
2022-2023 New Years Eve party with Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen is also the night I realized, DAMN! Usher got so much swag. That’s a mother fucker that just oozes sexy. He just danced right into my engorged chunky heart. I don’t usually listen to male vocalists. It probably has something to do with trauma. Or having to hear the strong voice of heterosexual overbearing white mens my entire life! And having to do whatever they say just to survive. Or maybe it’s just the idea that we have to listen to heterosexual white men all the time, I can’t imagine listening to it for entertainment purposes. It usually rules our lives and now I have to listen to it on purpose and have fun when I’m doing it? Nah, I’ll pass CNN. I’ll fuck you straight white men but I am not listening to you sing a song for fun.
Let em drank! (Yes, I know I type sometimes in slang. Its more fun that way- judgmental bitch.)
The Happy Homo
(The picture is from a websearch- yahoo images)
