This evening, after work I moseyed on down to Chill Bar and had a yummy burger and a glass of wine. I did it alone and it was well deserved. Just like most people, I too get a little nervous to go out on my own. There are fears of what will other people think? Will they judge me, “Look at the sad little boy in a dress eating all alone.” Well, I say fuck them and be brave. Eat alone if you can (every once in a while). I’d forgotten how delicious it really feels to sit there and not have to entertain anyone else and just let myself relax and be. It was a good feeling and I got to check out a whole bunch of cute asses.
This was after I had already treated myself to an acupuncture appointment; after my last appointment of the day. It has been a long process to get things up and running at work and mother tuckin bitches I think I have it down now. My next steps are to get back into a chiropractor, because sitting for long periods of time do number on my lower back. The only difference now is that I don’t answer to any lying old bitches intentionally trying to make my life harder, my job harder, and my body feel more pain. I’m now the only old bitch I have to deal with and I’m loving it! I was so scared to take that leap of faith and I’m so glad I was brave because it’s the best feeling and experience I’ve had in a long ass time.
I’m not just talking about the last job I had, but they were the worst of offenders. They really kicked me when I was down and out. My good Goddess of Love, I thought I had fucking cancer when they started kicking me and all because they failed to respond when I reported abuse/harassment in the work force. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves and hopefully no one treats your children or your children’s children the way you did me, but karma has a way of coming around. The lying part too is pretty gross, old dried up women with lifeless stringy hair lying about their actions to cover their own asses- gross. And bitch, if you are reading this (and I’m sure you are) I lied your perfume stinks.
I have to admit I do have one of those faces…yup kinda pretty but not too pretty. Bitchy looking eyebrows and sometimes a resting bitch face (but not like my old boss Kristin – oooo she was the best boss of them all and grouchy if she didn’t get a snack.) I assume that and me being good at things, not the best but good, makes me a target for jealous bitches trying to keep their jobs. It’s like people think they need to knock me down a few pegs for no fucking reason at all. Well call me Peggy Bundy bitches because I get up, tits pointing up in the air, hair still did just so, and I’m standing tall in my tight as fuck clothes; well as tall as my little legs will allow. I may be bent bitches, but I’m not broken.
Today, I feel like I’ve turned a corner. (A really happy one!) Now that I’m my own boss I feel truly free. Fuck those chains all those bitches of the past tried to put on me. They are broken now.. and I hope they remain that way for the rest of my happy life.
My work schedule is almost full. I have clients in almost every slot, but I’ll never do 7 or 8 a day. It’s too painful and clearly the oppressors didn’t care about the pain I felt then or the pain I feel today. Within the next few weeks, I’ll have to start a wait list or open up my Fridays and I don’t think I want to do that. I want to live this life if I can… I want to live a happy life and make time to experience what “the other side” feels. I want to have fun, but not detrimental fun that turns out not to be fun at all in the long run (and you bitches know what I’m talking about- its everywhere in our community). I want to get out, go hiking, see California, go to Disneyland, and absorb the love I feel from other people. (All the while using my Wonder Woman bracelets to deflect the hate others have.)
Yes, there is still plenty of love here but there will always be haters. The thing that people don’t realize is that because I’m short or kinda/a tiny bit pretty in the face that I’ll sit and take their bull shit. Hate to break it to you bitches, I won’t. I don’t have to. In fact, I fucking refuse to.
I will however accept love, well wishes, share your happiness or joy, and help you (or help each other) through tough times. Because life is not all dicks and rainbows (although Palm Springs is glorious filled with them). Sometimes it’s cherries and chocolate too. That just means that I want to focus on things that bring me joy and now that I feel like I’m going to be okay, that I’m going to make it in this fucking great state of California, I’m going to keep chasing my dreams. California dreamin bitches.
So usually when people feel a great sense of accomplishment, they say their “THANK YOUS” to deserving people. Well… true to my nature, I’m a little different. I’ve got a whole bunch of “FUCK YOUS” to a lot of deserving people. I won’t name you bitches here but I will talk about you in future blogs as much or as little as I want. Because you failed to keep me down, you failed to break me. You won’t break my soul (love you B). I may have been brought to my knees, but I like it there for many other reasons…and those bruises were already there. So, if you are deserving of one- here it is, FUCK YOU!
But something that makes me happier than saying fuck yous to people who deserve them, is sharing thank yous where they are deserved. Sometimes it’s a lot less deserved than the fuck yous. I really do have a lot to be grateful for. I may be an underdog in this life but that doesn’t mean I’m not deserving- just like you. YOU are deserving of happiness, joy, peace, and to work in a harassment free work environment. YOU deserve love. YOU DESERVE GREAT THINGS!
I look back at the last few months and can say I have an overwhelming appreciation for the few people who have been in my corner. Thank you to Scott for introducing me to Wesley. Thank you to Wesley for making me have the best start at a private practice a happy homo could wish for- truly and from the best place of my heart – THANK YOU!
And Toni and Ron, even though we are fighting Rhonda Rae cause you need to learn better manners, I’m appreciative of all you have done for me to keep my head above water the last 3 months. It’s cool to feel like I’m closer to actually having the opportunity to thrive than I ever have in my whole 46 years (even if I do look 30).
I can see the grass is greener on the other side, it always has been. The difference is, now I’m getting the opportunity to water my own grass. I feel like I’m going to have the resources to take care of myself and have a little extra to thrive (and water my own lawn). Yes, mines is going to be green too; but really we live in the desert and if you still have lots of grass – ew. This desert bunny just may get the chance to hop off into the sunset- happy as can be. (Still not comfortable with the term Desert Rat- it just sounds gross and infectious. LOL because you are Blanche…you are.)
And thank you to Drag Race and all the other shows that are inclusive of queer stories and show us in a positive light, like “Bros.” Sometimes you were just the support bra I needed in the MEAN-times. And I’m not ashamed to say it, I’m a Jesus lovin dick suckin homo. I’ve been talking to Him a lot these days.
What? I know religion has been used to bash us and look what it’s doing in the name of love in the “Holy Land” today. Scary AF- I know. I’ll tell you why…. He hung out with hookers, hoes, drunks, and 12 men. He got pissed off and threw a table upside down in His Dad’s house, called hypocrites out on their bullshit (without even looking up), and was all about loving the poor, sick, meek, and lame all while maintaining a rockin six pack. But he got mad, sad, overwhelmed with all the hate that was thrown at Him, because He was mistreated too.
Although I want to be all about love too… I’m not quite holy like that, hence the fuck yous. Maybe one day, given the chance, I can thrive and be just about love too. Jesus was Jew- yes, I’m a Jew lover for many reasons. And without trying to “other” the Jewish people… I do have to say that the Jewish men I’ve dated or just fucked… have always been so nice. I think it’s because they know adversity and know what it’s like to be hated just for being who you are or what you believe in. It tends to bleed (pun intended) into their actions, and they’ve always been so kind, polite, and good to me. How do I not repay the kindness when sometimes it seems so hard to come by? Yup, I’ll fuck with a Jew like that in my bed over any “hot” hateful Christian- any day! You can keep your hate – Toda raba!
I’m happy to be here and happy to be going on this journey with you guys. This weekend is Leather Pride, then Halloween, and next week is Pride. For the first time in a while I’m thinking about more than just surviving. I’m turning my attention to other things and am excited about prioritizing new things in my life. Not that work is important, it’s going great. So great that I can exhale, sit in the moment and maybe get some dick…. maybe work on a husband? Who knows? I can’t wait to find out!
Should I be allowed to continue to thrive… I’m going to take myself out on a solo date more often. Feel free to say hi or don’t… either way I’m going to enjoy my glass of wine and I’ll be fine.
Sincerely Fuck You or Thank You (You pick which one you deserve),
The Happy Homo
PS When I say I love Jewish men (people) it’s not to “other” them at all and I hope no one ever feels that way from something I say. My intentions are good. I wish you (them) the same things I want.. peace, love, joy, happiness, safety, and ability to work and live in a harassment free environment.
PSS On a different note… I might have to change my #kimkalltheway to #kimkundecided or #kimkbrokemyheart. I wanted TMZ, yes, bitches, I love some stupid TMZ. Well on TMZ they showed her bday party (happy birthday btw boo), but in attendance was Ivanka trump. I can’t fag out and be a superfan for someone who fucks with the traitor trumps. I just can’t. They’ve done so much to hurt our country. I wouldn’t even doubt if the classified documents somehow found their way to the enemies of Israel.
PSSS Where’d that $2 billion come from Jared?
PSx5 Mrs. Jennifer Lopez Affleck is it time, NOW? Like now, Now? How about NOW? CAUSE THIS IS ME NOW getting mad that I had to wait so long. My apologies my queen…. I didn’t mean to use all caps or speak so directly to you. I just always need you in my life and NOW would be good. 😊
PSx6 Jennifer Lopez is one I am and always will be a gay superfan for her. In other MEANtimes, her music and movies were always the water can or sprinkler to my wilting grass. GIVE THAT LADY A DAMN OSCAR ALREADY!!!!! Oh, and Xtina too, I love me some Christina.
PSx7 I can’t believe I’m almost to the point where I am going to wait list clients. Its such a cool fucking feeling. I’m so happy here despite a few people’s efforts. I’m happy! Xoxo
PS x8 can someone make me a meme of that white girl’s face like ew to a pic and then yum to the other one? 1st pic is Andy Cohen when he was young. 2nd pic is Andy Cohen as a hot daddy. 😊
PS x9 I love seeing my clients succeed. I love being their cheerleader when they don’t think anyone else is in their corner. I know how that feels and how important one person believing in you is… look at my thank yous above. One or two people can make a huge difference in the way someone thinks, believes, and responds to the world around them. The power of someone believing in you is a strong force to reckon with. I believe in you and I believe in me.
