I took my dogs for a walk this afternoon. About 10 feet away from my door was one of the groundskeepers/gardeners. He happens to also be Mexican. No, I don’t think all brown people are from Mexico. I said hello to him, like I do every time I see him or any of the other groundskeepers on the property. In Spanish he asked me what my dogs names are, and I answered him in some broken ass white valley girl Spanish. I asked him to forgive me for slaughtering my words. I informed him that I understand more Spanish than I’m able to speak. And that when I was young my grandparents and parents spoke to me in Spanish and I’d reply in English, that was so dumb of me. I sure wish I had tried harder, hindside words of wisdom shit right there.
The gentleman asked me where my parents were from and I replied, “Texas, but my grandparents were born in Mexico.” I asked him where he was from and he replied, “Mexico…” I said, “Aaah, somos iguales.” After all Texas and parts of other states were Mexico, the boarder jumped us, we didn’t jump the boarder. I’m not sure if he things we are iguales (equal) or not. Sometimes Mexicans think I’m too white and the whites think I’m too Mexican, lol. Regardless, I think were the same. We both have brown skin and in the eyes of most white people we encounter and quite possibly face the same types of discrimination. We are the same.
Within 5 minutes of seeing this gentleman my sentiment was confirmed. I continued my walk down the street with the babies, yelling at my dogs in a stern gay daddy voice, “NO! Don’t smell that poo poo, NO!” We approached the curve of the street, and an older white woman was walking on the street to the tennis court, where a group of women stood with rackets. As she came closer, I said, “Hi.” She responded but look at me, she didn’t break her gaze from the direction of her friends, “HOOOOla.” I responded, “Oh, well HOOOla to you too.” Now she turned her head and looked at me and said in a bitchy tone and head tilt, “Ooooh.” I just smiled as she walked to her friends and pulled my dogs closer to me. I whispered to my babies, “I think that lady might be racist and were 3 Mexicans. We better be careful. Don’t worry I will fight for you.” My little babies weren’t even interested in what I was saying, rude ass adorable dogs.
The point of this story is that I do think the groundskeeper and me are the same. Society tells me so. There’s always a not so gentle reminder to fall back in place where I belong. I just have to pay attention to the world around me. It’s been my experience, when I don’t pay attention people do their worst to get my attention. I find it best to curtail their worst by Hoooolaing them right back in the moment.
I’m no stranger to judgements, misconceptions, or unwanted harassment. When I arrived in Palm Springs, I really miscalculated my judgements, which were really hopes. I was hoping that I would leave that in Utah, but I realize it’s part of my life. It always has been and I think it always will be. I accept it wholly in this moment. I think hope is why I put up with bully at work for so long before I escalated my ignored complaints. I was hoping that behavior would just go away. I was so happy about everything else, I literally was filled with joy. I overlooked it.
I do think me and Mr. Groundskeeper are the same. I refuse to look at someone and place myself on a pedestal to look down on people who are just like me. I once had a family member complain about what’s happening at the border. They commented, “Those Mexicans come over and take our jobs and then send all the money back to their families in Mexico.” I thought to myself- who the fuck? Where the fuck do you think you come from? Texas was Mexico- helller! Besides they wouldn’t do the jobs “those Mexicans” do, especially for the minimal hourly wages they make or in the hot delicious temperatures of beautiful Palm Springs. YOU just wouldn’t do it- don’t lie bitch!
For the life of me I don’t understand why marginalized groups tend to marginalize people within their fucking groups! Seriously? We deal with a whole world telling us about ourselves without being prompted. What is it about the human race that draws out the need to be superior to our fellow human? We are all trying our best, do we have to tear down others facing the same struggles we are? If you say yes, then you need to really reevaluate and redefine the word enemy. For if those on the same side of the society’s battle lines are also your target, we won’t win.
It doesn’t just happen with brown folks it also happens within the gay community. When I arrived in Palm Mother Fucking Springs, I had someone talk to me about being an “A gay” here”. To which I replied after ensuring my safety, that I had no interest in looking down on other queer people here. My welcome and experience has been mostly positive. What kind of a human or even mental health provider would I be if I turned around and placed the heavy yoke of judgement on the people I serve? That’s right- I serve them, not the other way around. How would I see people, really see them if I’m already judging them in a way that puts them beneath me?
Back to the HOOOla. I live in a community that has an HOA. It also has fruit trees scattered about the property. Grapefruits, oranges, those little cutie oranges, lemons, pomegranates, and probably some shit I don’t even know about yet. My neighbor attended the HOA meeting and said amongst the complaints of our neighbors was one woman who complained that she didn’t want the gardeners to eat the fruit. He told me she said, “Its not for them its for us!” I’m not sure who this woman is but I have a sneaky suspicion she might be the “HOOOla” lady. I wonder if it was me she saw picking grapefruits and thought I was just another gardener? No Karen not all of us work here.
I would like to tell her or anyone else who complains about them eating the fruit that is plentiful, ripe and falling on the ground that I gave them permission to eat it. Me! If its for “us”, the owners, I am one of them and I give them mine. What kind of person would rather the fruit go bad and be thrown away instead of letting someone else eat it? Really it is the idea of letting someone brown eat the fruit they have a problem with. That behavior is gross.
HOOOla to you too bitch. I sent the following email to the HOA Manger, “I heard there was a white woman complaining about the Mexican groundskeepers eating the fruit from the trees. Well as another owner – I gave them permission. I’ll give them permission any time and all the time. If she has a problem with that she can call me and talk about it directly.”
“It is my belief that we all have the need to feel special. It is this need that can bring out the best in us, yet the worst in us.” Janet Jackson
Living In Hope,
The Happy Homo
