Honestly, I just want some mother fucking honesty right now. Brutal, unfiltered honesty.  This moment calls for it, it demands it. My God, I’ve resorted to using this blog for my own anxiety purge because things are so terrible in our country right now.

Writing has always been a tool I’ve used to process life’s highs and lows, happiness and grief—and now, I find myself using it to navigate the absolute fucking chaos we are living through. And to be honest (since that’s the theme), if they do overthrow our government and he Hitler/Putin’s this country  – it’s probably not wise to even write this kinda honest shit.

So, something to consider, if you also use writing as your tool to process your emotions, you may (in the future) be scrutinized or criminalized by your very own words that were written as a free American.   Maybe you continue to write? Maybe you don’t?   It’s a personal decision and either way- I get it.  But you do have to process your feelings in a healthy way. We need you to vote in the upcoming elections because our very lives depend on all of US(A) sticking together, and you deserve to be here. Stick around. We the people are stronger together.

(So, to take a stand, write, and be willing to die believing that everyone is equal and deserving of healthcare, life, liberty, and their pursuit of love and happiness could be problematic in his future. I’m gonna write anyway. This is my therapy.)

For me, I’d rather write it now, process it, and be true to my Utah Catholic Mexican American Jesus and JLo Lovin Homo self. While it’s still legal to take a stand against fascism (just as long as one doesn’t use the word “antifa”)- I will.   The truth is if he does overthrow our country or make us(a) more susceptible to attacks from foreign threats, and America as we know it is over, I’ve lived as free as I could or was allowed to in this lifetime and that’s because I had a chance to live in Palm Springs. Utah is a very different story for the queer community and minorities across the board.  Palm Springs has been enlightening.  I am grateful for the chance to be here, even if we face our own challenges specific to this desert.

I’m pissed that this fat orange nerd and bully is going to ruin our country and our planet. With that, my chances to self-actualize are diminished. I didn’t quite get there in this life- even living in Palm Springs. I almost did… I was well on my way but fell short. (That’s not even a short joke- cause I’m short.) If America goes downhill from here, which that’s what direction it looks like we’re continuing to go, I won’t get the chance to get there. So many minorities won’t get that chance either.  But on the contrary, I pray we all do.

Things were just getting good for me too. I’ve been tasting a little bit of success and it’s yummy. My tiny private practice is busy and I’m earning more than I ever have. While the expenses of running a business are significant, I’m grateful to work for myself. I was just beginning to feel stable, especially after recovering from surgery and preparing to fully re-engage with life. 

But the political climate is alarming and has me questioning if I’ll ever get to. The actions of certain leaders and movements threaten not only our democracy but the safety and dignity of everyday Americans. We must take these threats seriously. They’ve shown us(a) who they are—believe them.  I do. We need to be prepared, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

Lucky me, my success at work has proven to be dependent on how many hours of work I am willing to do.  And just like so many innocent brown people that are being abused and illegally deported, I am willing to work for my own way through this life. Before my surgery, it was how much time I could put in before my back pain became too unbearable. Post-surgery is proving to be different.

My outgoing $s not only are covering the higher living expenses we all are experiencing, but also my own co-pays, higher than should be- deductible, all the insurance/licensing fees, and everything else it takes to keep a business open.  And then add the vet bills… aye-aye!

So, no I don’t feel like my income has doubled, I feel like it’s a little more… but certainly not doubled. It’s hard to feel any difference when my experience is like so many of my fellow Americans that are being raped at the registers and everywhere else, they can stick it to us(a). (Not Epstein and friends’ kind of raped but still bad if you’re not part of the top 1% of income earners.)

I just don’t want this to be it-I was just feeling like I could get more out of this life, and I was going to try for it. And I want us(a) all to be FREE- Free- free, as we each chase self-actualization.  

Fasttrack to today- that bitch is ruining my life and yours by destroying our democracy, our country, and our very way of life. (And republicans and the “conservative” Supreme Court Justices are just letting him get away with all the corruption, lies, cheating, and cruelty to our fellow citizens and humans just wanting a chance at the American Dream. And the emoluments clause is something that clearly doesn’t apply to them.)

Gosh, I don’t know if it’s (what I believe is) my clear understanding of their intentions or goals or my being a bit traumatized by all of their ongoing shit and the abuses I see on TV.  I have the overwhelming feeling we all need to prepare for the worst.  God-forbid, if they continue to attack our own citizens in our own country-we need to prepare for the worst.  They have shown you who they are, believe them. They are capable of terrible atrocities against their fellow American-citizen/human beings.  Be safe out there.

I thought it might be weird to post this, but then I thought bubbled to myself, “If they continue to attack our citizens- it’s worth it to be the weird one with good intentions for my community than not say anything at all. I want our community to have the best scores for “communities in America that were ready when he attacked”. (Because he will in some way or another- attack us(a). He’s a bully and that’s what they do. Americans- we should prepare just in case. He’s proven to not care about the lives of Americans or anyone else for that matter.)

I’ve found myself in constant prayer, asking for guidance and protection for all of us(a). This moment reminds me of the early days of the pandemic—when fear was high, but so was compassion, and just like then some people refuse to see the truth. Even if it was/is going to negatively harm them or their own loved ones.  Like then, I hope we choose unity and not division. Empathy and love and not hatred, as they are our superpowers.

But the sense of looming danger is hard to ignore. It appears that Nazi’s have overthrown our government with Russia’s help. Not just that, they’re (oil companies) trying to buy more broadcast stations to control what Americans see on TV and thus how you think.  And they will abuse that power, given the chance.

This is a scary time, and I find myself in continuous prayer. 

Another thing, like ewe, they are literally convincing gullible Christians across our country to hate and attack other American Christians.  Their messages aren’t about love but hate and division. Who does that? The devil does, that’s who!

I’m also witnessing the aging of a dear friend, Rhonda Rae, 82—who recently made the decision to get hearing aids after some time of resistance. Oye vey, it was hard to get that cheap old man to spend money on something he actually needs. Watching someone you care about lose certain abilities is difficult, but it’s also a reminder of the love and connection that sustain us(a) and a reason why I love Palm Springs.

I’ll sure miss that crazy old cheap bitch when she dies, but I hope that’s of natural causes and like 10 years from now. And through those 10 years, we are still living in a free America, where every person is protected and blessed by they/their/our creator with unalienable rights, like life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness and love.  

(God, please don’t let evil win. Don’t let white supremacy and the oligarchy win. They will destroy America and this planet if no one stops them now. Please stop them.  God, help us(a).  —Congress must act now! IMPEACH!)

Below is the list from a google search of what to have in an emergency. 

God Bless America,

The Patriotic Utah Christian Mexican American Jesus and JLo Lovin Homo

PS To be prepared for an emergency, gather supplies for a kit, including water, non-perishable food, a flashlight, a first-aid kit, a battery-powered radio, and essential medications. Also pack copies of important documents, a manual can opener, cash, basic toiletries, and supplies for children and pets if applicable. Store these items in a durable, easy-to-carry container like a backpack or tub.  

Water and Food 

  • Water: Pack at least one gallon of water per person per day for several days. 
  • Food: Include a multi-day supply of non-perishable, easy-to-prepare items like dried fruit, energy bars, or canned goods. 
  • Manual Can Opener: Essential for opening canned food. 

Health and Safety

  • First Aid Kit: A basic kit should include bandages, ointment, and disinfectant wipes. 
  • Medications: Keep a supply of your personal prescription medications, along with a list of them. 
  • Sanitation: Pack personal hygiene items, including soap, toothpaste, toilet paper, and garbage bags. 
  • Whistle: Use to signal for help. 

Light and Power 

  • Flashlight: Include extra batteries for your flashlight.
  • Battery-Powered or Hand-Crank Radio: A NOAA Weather Radio is ideal for receiving emergency broadcasts. 

Documents and Money

  • Important Documents: Keep copies of your identification, insurance policies, and banking information. 
  • Cash: Have some cash on hand, as ATMs may not be accessible. 

Special Needs

  • Babies: If you have an infant, include formula, diapers, and baby food. 
  • Pets: Pack pet food, a leash, and a carrier. 
  • Eyeglasses/Hearing Aids: Bring extra pairs and batteries for eyeglasses and hearing aids. 

Other Essentials

  • Change of Clothes: Pack a warm change of clothes and sturdy shoes for each family member. 
  • Blanket or Sleeping Bag: Keep each person warm, especially if you need to evacuate. 
  • Cell Phone Charger: Include a backup phone charger or power bank. 
  • Local Maps: Useful for navigating if GPS is unavailable. 
  • Multi-Purpose Tool: A tool with a wrench and pliers can help you shut off utilities. .

PSS  Can you believe he is starting to indite his “enemies”?  This is crazy. And then they’ve ordered all of our top military’s brass to appear in person at one location. That sounds nefarious as fuck to me. And to announce it like they did, so all of those who hate America know where they are, is beyond dangerous. (Dear Lord, please take care of our men and women in Uniform (that don’t have the mark of the beast), and remind all of them of their oath to the Constitution and if they are a Christian- to You.)  

PSSS Whew, anxiety blog purge done. I feel better, but not completely. Too much at stake for all of us(a) to not be paying attention.  Donate to campaigns and register your community members to vote- the stakes are too high.

PSSSS  Jesus, Puppies, birds and JLo- then repeat. Jesus, puppies, birds, and JLo and repeat.  It works for me.  Add some wine and/or some marijuana and I feels a little bit better.

PSX5  I hope that you are always safe, free from harm and oppression, and have all you need to achieve your own self-actualization (and not at the expense of someone else’s life.).

PSX6 TikTok is being purchased by that traitor’s friends. They will continue to lie, cheat, and steal all while poisoning the minds of our youth, and it seems like they may just have that chance.  And we’ve come so far.  So sad.  Lord, help us(a).

PSX7 Save Us(a) All – Tracy Chapman

I know that Jesus loves me. He says I should love you.

PSX8 Just when things were getting good… I got a new back (one without crazy nerve pain), no more neuropathy down my leg, and I even got a “new runway”, a hemorrhoidectomy (I know tmi) but I was going to be cleared for fun in two weeks and its hard to know if America will live two more days, much less two more weeks. That nerd may just blow up the planet before I get a chance to have fun and “enjoy my community”. *Sigh* I’m going to die a virgin. (Not literally- duh. But it feels like it, future story to come.) (I know – I know- tmi- but brutally honest theme remember. So, one hemorrhoid, well two and there’s a story to come about it. It’s just a scary time here in America and we could all use a laugh or just a dose of fucking honesty. Honestly, some honesty!)