(Paint the scene for you… last night about 6:30 PM, a just showered and coiffed me looks down at the adorable doggies following close by. I turn and look down at their adoring eyes.)
Me- You two, I just want you to know I’m going to dinner. I will be back a little bit later.
Dogs staring up at me, wagging with tongues hanging out. Heads moving side to side like, “Daddy, I don’t know what the fuck you are saying but I love you.”
Me- I know you guys know what I’m saying. I can’t help it. I have to leave you guys and go out there and make some friends.
Dogs- pawing at my leg.
Me- No, I won’t stay home with you. I told you Daddy needs to get out and make some new friends. Don’t you worry about Daddy, he just has to get out a wittle more. You guys and Ron can’t be my only friends here. I have to get out just a little bit. But don’t you worry, I’ll be back and you guys will always be my bestest friends. I love you.
(I turn the doorknob and leave the babies behind. BTW, I know bestest is not a word- judgy bitch.)
You may be asking yourself, is it normal to have a full-on conversation with your dogs? This bitch is crazy! I will just answer that question for you, again a lot of judgmental bitches out there. We are all a little crazy. As a therapist, LOL- I say yes! Yes, it is normal to talk to your dogs! These gorgeous little animals definitely speak to you. If you listen and watch, they have a language all their own. With that said, I do have to practice what I preach. “Physical health- Social Connections – Mental health, they are all connected.” They are linked, or chained together.
Some may think I don’t like hanging out with old bitches, but I do. The reality is I love my time with Ronda Rae, she’s funny and grumpy. Its adorable. Do I need any other friends than him? No. I really don’t think so. But one day Ron is going to leave me in the desert truly alone. I have to branch out a smidge. When that happens I don’t want to feel completely alone here. I have to make some moves. That old bitch might be gone tomorrow. Shit, I might be gone tomorrow! We just don’t know.
As a cancer, if you believe in that astronomy stuff, home is our favorite place to be, it’s our protective shell. It’s a safe place to retreat to and my puppies are there. Why the fuck would I not want to be there? Cancers are home bodies, homie homos if you will. Coming from Utah to this beautiful homo oasis feels amazing, feels so much safer for me. I hope that I always find this to be true. But I also realize that I need to befriend some new funny ass home girls (I mean gay men). Do I take an ad out somewhere, “Homo in search of funny bitches to kick it with?” “Homo loves to laugh looking for some homies that are good people?” “Homo not looking for sex but will likely fuck if you make me laugh?” “Homo will likely decline your invite 4-5 times before he says yes…”
I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know that loneliness is rampant/rampart here. I see it often in my office. No, I’m not talking about when I’m in there by myself. I’m talking about in my office with my clients. On another note, what’s wrong with you bitches? Why aren’t you guys talking to each other? This is suppose to be the place where we all come to have community, grow old and die. Many of you are doing that and many of you already became old and are nearer to death. It’s the truth don’t get mad.
And have some fucking community! Venture out! Be nice to each other even if you don’t want to fuck the other person, you can be nice to them. Talk to the person that looks nervous and uncomfortable at the bar sitting alone. There’s so many of you looking for each other, looking for friendships and connections. Find each other, be brave. Talk and don’t forget to listen! Act like both participants in the conversation matter. It’s not that hard. Don’t be dick. Be nice.
There’s so many of us that are nervously terrified to let others in a little. Can’t we be nervously terrified together? This is the Land of Milk and Honies for us homos. You need to find each other. “Miranda Priestly : Oh, don’t be silly – EVERYONE wants this. Everyone wants to be *us*”. It’s true bitches, all the other gays want this! You are living many people’s wildest dreams! Be happy about it! Were in a gay ass sexy, beautiful city. We need to enjoy it, talk to each other. (I think I know what I’m talking about, after all I just got to the desert 7 months ago and I once met someone who had lunch with Jennifer Coolidge- inside joke.)
Do I feel alone? Well, I am alone in the desert, but I don’t feel lonely. I love the community I get to work with, I love Rhonda Rae, I love going out for a drinky poo and have no problem talking to strangers. This feels pretty full to me. Oh, I mean talking to strangers too, not flirting. Flirting, I’m not good at – at all but talking to other people comes pretty natural to me. I’m not lonely but confession time, I love my alone time with my puppies. Its this happy homo’s favorite place.
Sometimes after seeing 8 clients a day for 45, sometimes 55 minutes, I don’t feel like talking all that much after work. I, just like everyone else, need a recharge. I love the recharge process because it calms my own fears that I won’t be present for my clients. I do some puppy cuddling. Fine, I’m heavy on the puppy cuddling when they let me. I love watching mindless funny shit on television and I just enjoy being in my own little home. I use to go to the gym too but that fell to the big waist side. (get it?)
It’s been a bit of a stressful month. When I feel I feel threatened I tend to stop exercising. My “physical” part of the chain has been on mother fuckin hold and it’s hard to get moving again. The link has been broken and I’ve gained 8 lbs. On a short chunky mexi that 8 lbs looks like double. I wish it would go straight to my ass but it doesn’t. It likes to live in the midsex… mid sex… midsection. (Sorry, was thinking about all those hotties at the gym.)
I have worked out once at the gym and once at home- in the whole month of December. That’s not enough exercise to get the endorphins or dopamine going. Lord knows I like a high and dopamine is a happy one. (At least when it’s created in this way.) I like being happy. These days the highs are naturally produced.
And my social connections, it doesn’t feel like I’m lacking because I talk to my two human besties almost every day. With that said, I know its lacking and this crabby bitch needs to cum… needs to come… needs to get out of their shell a little more. Its time to say yes to the invites instead of making up excuses to stay home. It’s time to mingle, party and laugh a little more. Laughter is the best medicine after all.
Take your fucking meds Lee! Eat it up you fat bitch, you know know you like things in your mouth. It’s true, my diet has gone to shit and I’ve been eating everything! I mean everything! (Sorry, if you can’t laugh at yourself then it’s sure gonna hurt when someone else does it you.)
Being New Year’s and all, I’ve been asking my clients one closing question all week. “Before you leave, I have a question for you. If you were to set your intentions for 2023 in one word what word would that be?” What’s the communities top 2 you ask? Well the commonalities, even within our own little community, are – stability (that was big one) and connections. Both important parts of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. To achieve self-actualization (desire to become the most that one can be), you need both of those things. What’s that saying to all you Palm Springs bitches? Its saying your community is in need. Get out there and invite those singles, the widowed, the new Utah guy out. So many of us need you to self-actualize. We should love each other enough to want to provide that for each other. You need to reach out and make some new friends. No, I’m not talking about me either. I’m busy that night. My puppy has the gas. I’m tired. I have to work tomorrow. And I’m going to say no about 4, maybe 5 more times. Something I’m working on.
My intention or word for this upcoming year is “Roots.” I need to allow my roots to deepen. That way when any storms come, and they will, I won’t be uprooted. It’s life, storms come. Sometimes they seem to find some of us more often than they do others. So, roots for me is connection. Connection to the community and connection within friendships. I’m on my journey to go deeper. I didn’t even mean to be naughty, but I can I resist, deeper? Yes, bitch deeper! I said what I said!
What is your word, your intention for the new year. It’s different than a New Year’s Resolution.
What’s your word? And how do you live life a little more every day to get you closer to that word?
(BTW, word of advice, be cautious of accepting mints from others. Is a mint always a mint? No.)
The Happy Homo is a Homie Homo too.
PS I’m busy. I totally would, but I can’t. I have puppies. I shat myself. *sniffes* I’m not feeling good. But maybe on another day?
PSS Happy New Year!
PSSS Happy New Year includes to you too, you judgemental bitches.
