This is what it’s like… I would write a love letter to you twice. Bitch, you the alpha and the omega, the modern-day Marilyn Monroe, and after all these years I’m still madly in love with you.  Just not like lesbian stuff, like I love your soul. Even more than that… I like how your soul and your (he)art make my soul feel and sing.    Your vulnerability was very humbling and relatable.

You the sun and the moon beams gurrrl.  That’s your superpower, being the strong feminine energy that draws us near and the muscle that makes us move in our seats and on to our feetsies.  I just got done watching your documentary, The Greatest Love Story Never Told, and just when I think my adoration for you can’t grow anymore, it grew tenfold.   Thank you for being the light in my darkness.

I appreciate your vulnerability and often talk about vulnerability in therapy sessions.  To be honest, sometimes I get feedback that what I put out there in the world through writing/my blog is too much, too honest, and that someone is going to use it against me.  At this point in my life, I don’t care. They’ve used everything else against me, why not my honesty? Why not my warped sense of humor?  Why not my love for people, the planet, animals, dogs, and hummingbirds?     Fuck dose people JLo.

Sometimes I get flack from family extended and such, about what I put out there. And I understand their right to not talk about things, but I also understand my right to talk about the things I experienced- so that I can heal too. I deserve to fucking heal too. We all do and we don’t have to do it alone. WE can talk about it.

Ms. Not My Momma, I do take one offense to something you said in the movie. Something like, “No one is clamoring for a new JLo record?” XXXXcuuuuse me? Heller?  *looks side to side examining my surroundings*   Gurrrl to-da friend, I totes titty jiggles have been clamoring for your record. Omg CLAMOURING and borderline harassing you on facebook to release the record after you said you was gonna last year. *Head tilt* *side eye* But OMFG, this was worth the wait. This was a masterpiece. THANK YOU my soul needed that!

Some people might say, “Ugh, Lee bitch we know you love JLo. Everything is going to be a masterpiece in your eyes.” To those bitches I say, “You right gurrl. You right. Maybe just a wit-tle right.” But this is different. This is my favorite JLo album and favorite movie/musical- this is love. This was the art in heart and I love your heart.  Thank you for sharing it with all of us JLovers and everyone else too. We get to see more of you- and we, or at least I, adore you for it.

I’m so happy that the cameos worked out the way they did. That way no one can say that the success of your movie was because of their participation.  YOU did that and you should be as proud of yourself as all of us are of you. Get it -Not My Momma. BTW, those cameos were fucking everything. They were hillllarious. 

It’s so fun to look at small parallels in my recent putting myself out there when I moved here and your album. You sing about the Rewind. I wrote about the rewind in a past blog post.  You tell people they have a superpower- I wrote about people finding their superpower. I pretty much say this is me, now in my writings and that I’m not going anywhere. The trauma and the healing journey… and the hummingbirds- I’ve experienced it since I arrived here in Palm Motha’ Fuckin Springs. All of it, the album just resonates with my being right now, in this moment in time and I think too…forever it will.  If I had a menstrual cycle (and if you still do too)- I’d say gurrrl, we on the same cycle!

My favorite quote, since you asked… LOL is when you talk about the project, “I think it’s worthy, I think it’s worth the risk, if it turns out great, then I fulfilled my mission. I let people know, like, don’t give up. Do it. Don’t be afraid. Fuck it! Do it afraid! Fuck it- DO IT AFRAID.” 

I started my own baby practice in late 2023, and I was terrified to do it. I didn’t feel like I had a choice. Some people fucking suck, but the people I get to help are so worth facing that fear and worth facing the demons, over and over. I have a light that screams, “Heeey fuck with me… over here fuck with me.”   But I have a Spear of my own, and I fight back if I have too.

I might want one of those “Endangered Species” t-shirts.  I’d also love to purchase a JLo umbrella to make the rainy days more enjoyable to dance in, because they come, no matter who you are. The rain comes. Even for JLo. If your marketing team hasn’t sold you on that idea then they wrong. It rains everywhere and on er’ one, in those moments we need to be reminded of hummingbirds and being the best version of me and you and themselves as possible.   

Lastly, I appreciate you talking about being man handled, which is a soft way of saying abuse, or abuse adjacent. And you are right, it is disrespectful. No one should be disrespected like that unless that’s their kink and they gave permission, which happens out here- it’s Palm Motha Fuckin Springs.  It doesn’t sound like you gave permission, and I’m sorry that happened to you.

I have a proposal, and not a marriage one. For the last time, gurrl I’m not a lesbian, ew.  I’d swap you some Accelerated Resolution Therapy sessions for one of your hair extensions (or two if you are feeling generous). I won’t do any spells and will only wear it to do client notes, at parties, and to lounge around the house.    LOL, but I would give you the therapy for free because … well just to say thank you.  Hit me up if you are ever in Palm Springs. We need 90 minutes, and I won’t tell anyone.   I can keep a secret if I ABSOLUTELY have to.   Okay, we need 100 minutes, 10 extra ones, 5 for me crying and 5 for you forcing me to brush your hair.

You are right, love does exist and I’m excited to find it out here or in this big scary world.   I’ve been on a healing journey and finding out just how amazing I really am.  OMFG I’ve had the best, funniest, most creative writing year and so much of it was by myself after experiencing some crazy trauma shit myself.  I found out that I too enjoy my own fucking company. I’m hilarious. I crack my shit up and I’m happy. I’m deserving.  Sometimes after talking to people everyday for a living, I just want to be alone. I cherish this time around.    

To Fucking Doing It Afraid,

The Happy Homo

PS the offer is real.  If you want to feel differently about your trauma, come see me.  On the house. It’s the least I could do. It’s kind of a cheesy script but it works. It’s weird but it works.  (I know you judgey bitches- she’s never going to read this but what if there really is Palm Springs magic? I can feel it. Sometimes it watches me sleep, some nights it looks in my window.)

PSS  “I let people know,  like, don’t give up. Do it. Don’t be afraid. Fuck it! Do it afraid! Fuck it- DO IT AFRAID.” JLo

PSSS  Gurrrl, I always believed what you have to say. Thanks for delivering seeds of love, nourishing them, watering them, providing sunshine and moonlight to them and love. Your love is contagious and so are so many other’s out here in PS, that makes it harder to date here. LOL – tired of catching anything.

PSSSS Yes, I said a JLo umbrella for rainy days.

PSX5 Billboards, “Jennifer Lopez’s ‘This Is Me… Now’ Bows at No. 1 on Top Album Sales Chart.”

PSX6  Hey Mariah, yea… she really didn’t need you to know her after all. Ha!

PSX7 Hey Palm Springs I love you (most of you).

PSX8 and I didn’t mean Bitch in a derogatory sense, I mean girl I love you kinda bitch. LOL eeek!

PSX9  Mission fulfilled!

PSX10 This time around, I am having the best time of my life. 🙂