Dearest Friendly or Foe Reader,
First, I want to say OMFG it’s been a tough couple weeks for all of us. The election didn’t go the way I’d prayed for and the next day Rhonda Rae and I did some day drinking about it. We followed it up with an early dinner (cause we both act like we are in our 80s). The next morning rolled around; I called him for a typical 8 AM “Good morning…” and no answer. I followed it up with a call at lunch and he didn’t answer again. I thought bubbled, “Hmmm… maybe I keep catching him on the pooper. Oh, he did say he had an appointment today.” But I knew that he usually calls back sooner than later.
2 PM rolled around and I called again, no answer. A friend looked on FB and noticed he’d not been online for 16 hours. I immediately jumped into action and called the neighbors to tell them something was wrong. They entered his home and found him on the sofa with stroke-like symptoms and not able to speak coherently. They called 911.
I met him in the emergency room and stayed with him for a while. He couldn’t string together a sentence and would dose off and wake up in a panic. I would grab his hand and say, “It’s okay Rhonda Rae. I’m here with you.” His little old man face would find mine and he’d smile at me and release all the muscles he had tensed up. My presence seemed to alleviate the fear on his face and body.
I thought I was going to lose him that day. I was prepared to lose him that day. I had my work phone and my personal phone on me. On one phone I played classical music while I held one of his hands and I recorded a few videos with the other phone in my other hand. (He loves classical music.) He squeezed my hand tightly and later he would admit he didn’t know what was happening at that moment. He had no recall of what happened.
Although his children don’t like me, I still tried to record little videos of him in the bed, so they’d have it later when they were given his phone. I tried to get him to tell his kids that he loved them on video, but he couldn’t get two intelligible words strung together. I thought bubbled, “At least they will have some solace when watching these videos knowing he wasn’t alone and that they were on his mind in his last moments.” I don’t need someone to like me for me to do the right or kind thing behind their back.
But guess what? That old bitch didn’t die after all! She’s too stubborn of an old goat and was admitted to the hospital for a few days. I visited him over the next couple days and even lost my dang work phone at the hospital in all my doating over that crazy old bitch. I even picked him up and took him home from the hospital when he was released, cleaned the cat litter, picked him up some tacos, and made his space a little safer for the now mandated cane or walker. (Which he still doesn’t use all the time.)
The reason I share this message of love is because even if people hate or don’t like us we can still love one another. If anything, all those JLo albums and many of her movies have taught me about love. Hoping for love, accepting love, not giving up on love, and giving love to others. Also, the Bible, Jesus…and well God have all taught me that our main life’s focus should be about LOVE; not hate.
On a side note, despite what anyone says about goddess JLo, and their attempts to make her responsible for the actions of one of her oldest relationships (with Diddy the diddler) she is not responsible for his actions. He’s responsible for his own actions over the last 25 years. We need to stop trying to make men unaccountable for their own actions. Say it with me- women are not accountable for the actions of men they dated in the past! Besides, how many creeps have you all dated where you should have told the next bitch to run, but bounced for your own safety and self-preservation? Not saying that’s what happened but OMG how many people have been in Diddy’s life since, give them the hard time. Leave J to Lo A-LO-ne.
Looksie, just because she’s gorgeous, brown, and super successful doesn’t make her responsible for him. She’s got her own family to be responsible for and so does he. They lived separate lives from each other for over 25 years. What you are trying to make happen – isn’t a real thing. Stop trying to make it happen! But what is real… is Love.
My second point in this story is I’d like to make amends with anyone that I’ve disagreed with, offended, anyone that we shared a mutual hate for each other, or if you just don’t like me for some unknown or known reason- I hope we all can just let that shit go. I don’t have any room in my heart right now for hate. I don’t want hate to consume me. I don’t want hate to be my primary emotion. And I don’t want hate driving my actions or inactions. I want love to be my primary. I release hate and I step into love for self, community, democracy, animals, and our planet.
My job, well it’s hard to manage my own disappointment and uncertainty of our country and everyone else’s too. In order to do that, I must let go of any hate I had or carried with me over the years, even if I made it part of who I was. I release it, I let it go. It’s too heavy to carry along with trying to tread in the emotional waters of other people’s woes and my own.
Even if love and equality didn’t seem to win this last election, it doesn’t mean that we have to strip it from our lives. A marriage certificate is just a piece of paper, and they may just come for that piece of paper. They can have the paper if they really want to be mean and take it from countless loving couples, but they can’t take away your love for each other. (A friend shared that sentiment with me the other day.)
They can however, fill you full of the same hate that fills them and that can be your primary emotion going forward. It could bleed onto everything you touch or do. Relationships, work, while you drive, go out for a drink, or even how you treat people at your local grocery store. I hope you choose love. Our community deserves us to choose love and we deserve to live in peace, love, and joy.
We might just be entering into a new world that we present day Americans have never known. We might just be entering into another mean-time for country. But Love is what is going to save u, us, and the USA. Love is what is going to bring us back together as a country and love for one another is the reason why we stick around in the mean-times. I love you; I love this community, and I love our country.
I finally had the chance to succeed here while not be held back in work and am finally making decent money. (Decent for me- I know a lot of you have a different take on what is a decent amount.) I’m so happy in so many ways, I finally got to feel like I am “thriving” in my life. And it’s about fucking time, I’m 34… I mean 47. That’s a long time to “pick yourself up by the bootstraps” to have someone else push you back down.
Yup, I feel like I’m thriving at work, and I have Palm Motha Fuckin Springs and so many of you to thank for that. For that I’m forever grateful. It has been the magnum opus of my life to have served this fucking amazing community and hope to do it still in the future. I also pray that everybody continues to have the chance to thrive, have safety, security, equality and love.
Love comes in so many different shapes, sizes, colors, forms, and even ages (like Rhonda Rae). It’s everything and yet this strong emotion that fills us is not something we can touch. But love is tangible and can be touched in each other and it shows in our actions; and you old dirty birdies love touching each other don’t ya?
In these uncertain times I even thought about moving out of the country part time. I was daydreaming of spending the winter somewhere warmer, and summers here with you; at least until it’s too unbearable to do so. I dreamed that I could be doing sessions via telehealth and then when my day was done go to the nearest beach on whatever coast I was on, in whatever accepting country I was in and live in love. I then woke up and realized I’m already in an amazing place for people like me.
Like ewe, I can’t get over the depth of this sadness I feel right now. For Rhonda Rae leaving and for our community, and our country. Rhonda Rae is going to be moving to Utah to be with his family and it was a hard pill for him to swallow but finally he acknowledged he has entered into the next phase of life. I hope that we all get that opportunity to be happy in love like he did in his marriage. They didn’t need the piece of paper to commit their lives to one another. Their love was strong and deep. I see it on his face when he tells stories about Rick (his husband). I hope that kind of love and security finds me and all of you.
As our world turns with uncertainty right now, I hope that love can always be Earth’s primary emotion. As you already know, I’m a New Testament- Jesus loving homo. I feel like the Bible is coming true before our very eyes, and no one is coming to save us, at least not yet. So sometimes we have to save ourselves.
That just means preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. Hope after all is just another form of prayer. Isn’t it? See something, say something, and if need be do something about it. That means stock up on supplies, food, extra water, and prepare- but pray for the best in all Americans.
So, Rhonda Rae is having her last go around in Palm Springs. If you see us out and about or just him, please wish him well on his new adventure. He loves Palm Springs just as much as I do and it’s hard for him to leave a place where he shared so many fond memories with his husband. That’s love and no one can take that away.
Dios les Bendiga, (My Grandma would say that to us as we left her home. It means- God Bless You.)
A Very Sad Homo
PS I love you.
PSS I love you. You deserve love and you deserve to exisit.
PSS Some people are planning to move to PS from different parts of the country, some people are planning on getting arms to protect their family and community if they have to, and some people like me want to love you Palm Springs, be inside you, and live life to the fullest while we can. I hope that we always can!
PSSS If you’d like to pray with me… we pray that the evil spirit of hate, deception, oppression, greed, discrimination and the need to control other people’s bodies is cast out of our country and cast out of the minds and bodies of our fellow countrymen and women forever. We pray for this… we command this in the name of Jesus. (See, I told ya I was a Jesus lovin homo.)
PSSSS I know I got all preachy and shit but look I’m a Utah Christian who loves our country, freedom, and Jesus. That’s not going to change, I iz who I iz. And I love who I love- and I love you Palm Springs.
PSX5 God bless America.
PSx6
PSX7 Look to the leaders, HRC and the ACLU for advice on what to do. I’m going to love.
PSX8 Here’s a couple videos/pics from some of our adventures over the last couple days. He’s leaving and I hope to look back at this with fond memories. That crazy old cheap bitch has made me pay for every dinner since she went into the hospital. *eye roll* He said he wanted our last dinner together to be at the Roost cause he loves it there. That night his little old man eyes were darting around the room but they looked a little different then they did before. I’m always sitting in front of him and his eyes are always everywhere else. LOL! But this night they were filled with nostalgia, love, and sadness. He was taking it all in… he knew this was possibly his last time there and of course he said his card wasn’t working- so I paid. Love can be and look like so many things. (Having an issue uploading some pics- will try again later.)
