I have not been in the desert for a full year, the anniversary of me moving to the best place on earth is approaching at the end of May. The sense of safety, community, and queer joy I’ve felt during the short time I’ve been an active member of our community is something I never expected to feel. As a social worker I love feelings, sad, happy, angry, joy and everything in between.
We are humans and part of the human condition is to feel, process, and move between all these beautiful feelings and never live in one so long that it becomes detrimental to our lives. It’s not natural to always be happy or always be sad (or any other feeling). I always tell my clients, “You can visit sadness and grief or even depression you just can’t buy property there.” That means you can explore sadness and grief, heck maybe stick around for a little while but you have to remember to leave bread crumbs to find your way out or save (put in the work) for a ticket to get out of Grief Town.
You can go back to visit Grief Town from time to time, but you can’t buy property! Shit, tell a friend you are visiting there and to call you in a week to remind you to come back to join life. The “life” part is a little misleading but drives my point home, I never want anyone to think feelings or grief isn’t part of life, because it is. It’s a beautiful part of it, because it means there was love there. Feelings can be beautiful.
The reasons why I bring up feelings is because when the sense of safety is allowed some beautiful things can happen, including queer joy and happiness. I for one am so happy a place like Palm Springs exists because it gives people like me an opportunity to feel that queer joy and happiness. I pray others can feel what I’m talking about if they haven’t already. Palm Springs and its surrounding cities are beautiful queer enclaves of the best kind. In most parts of our country, I don’t believe this exists. (I use the word believe because I have very limited traveling experience, but in talking to other PS transplants they confirm my suspicions.)
Many of you hot older daddies remember a time when we were forced to navigate in the darkness of the shadows, on the outskirts of society. That was the only safe space for us. Those shadows still exist today but were not forced there. Just like Grief Town, we can visit there. We can seek out the shadows or even watch a naughty movie in a local bookstore for fun (so I’ve heard- *wink *wink). We have so many options for getting off these days. Its so hard, pun intended, for a homo to choose.
If I can get you to keep going back, remember back when, even further than that, go back a little more, to that time when we “faggots” were forced into those shadows because there were no other choices. It was a time well before one of us was gay bashed and hung up on a barbed wire fence in WY and left to die. Back to a time when it was Madonna who supported you and me and all the queers and minorities. That’s the time I want you to hold in your heart but only the love and support you felt from her. She is a pioneer of advocacy, radical acceptance, action and love.
“Greta Garbo and Monroe, Dietrich and Di-ma-ggi-o.” You know you just sang that shit, didn’t you? Vogue gave us hope and allowed us to connect with each other on massive scale because representation matters. You united around Vogue and around Madonna. The reason why I bring this up is because I’m an observer. I may not remember names, but I observe shit and it likely has to do with my own sense of safety and security. I’ve noticed many of you may need a snack, a sandwich, or maybe a gummy? I say this with love and respect but chill the fuck out with the Madonna negativity. She was there for you before it was cool to be there for you.
Did you really expect her to age gracefully and without any plastic surgery? No dummies, like Duh- its mother fuckin Madonna bitches! She’s going to push boundaries. Did you think that was going to stop at a certain age? She’s in her early 60’s and many of you 60+ mother tuckers could continue to learn from her- there is a lot of life yet to life. Live it!
They really do say our community eats their own. I didn’t imagine that it also bled into our sheroes and icons who made this little 13-year-old homo realize there was more to the world than the Cowboys football team and working in the onion fields of Utah. I remember secretly trying to Vogue in private in my homophobic childhood home. Hiding because I didn’t want to be found out.
I hold Madonna in the same high regard as I do for all you old bitches who lived through the AIDS epidemic. You are all heroes. You have all seen and experienced too much loss, grief, hate and negativity in your lives. Let’s not put out that same negatively into the world that we’ve experienced. Let’s remember to love those who loved us first.
With regards to the Bachelorettes that come to your bars, be kinder to them. I know many of you have an issue with them coming and celebrating their love here in Palm Springs. They come here because they feel safe around us. As someone who wasn’t feeling so safe back home, I know how much I appreciate that feeling. Can’t we share it with them? Because a lot of the time, the world isn’t so safe for them either. The same entitled misogyny that plagues them is the same one that puts us up on the barbed wire fence. Be kinder to them, they are bringing in revenue to our delicious city and they keep many of our neighbors employed. Be grateful they come here and feel safe around us. Love them back. Take it as the biggest compliment we could get from them, because it is a compliment.
I for one will follow the same path as Madam X, God and finances willing. As a former fatty who fluctuates I will inject, pluck, suck, melt, freeze, tuck, exercise and moisturize whatever the hell I want or feel I need to in order to feel pretty. It’s a lot of work to make a chunkster like me look appealing. I’m good with it, I accept it, I honor it because being seen and feeling pretty feel good to me. Some folks like me and maybe Madonna need a little extra help sometimes. It’s not for everyone but that doesn’t mean you get to be so mean and nasty to people who have work done.
I’m going to say it just like I do when I scream at my little chihuahua Genni Lou when she is out barking in the yard and disturbing the neighbors, “CALM YO’ TITS LADY!” So, calm your titties and get off her case, and get off the cases of the bachelorettes. Support Madonna and these other women like her that have always supported you, wanted to be around you, and our community. Let’s support those who support us. Let’s love those who love us because not everyone does.
With Calm Titties,
The Happy Homo
PS Not everyone has a problem with the bachelorettes but some of you mother truckers tots do. I hear it in sessions and on the streets. I see it at the bars. Be kind and beeoches where is your sense of loyalty?
PSS My birthday is in July and I tots will accept any gifts of Botox, fillers, freezers or facials.
PSSS Genni Lou has 6 titties to calm and she calms them with direction. You probably only have 2, maybe 3. Its possible to calm them titties too.
PSSSS I don’t own any rights to the pics of famous people on my website and would be happy to remove them at their request.
PSSSSS I challenge you to congratulate the next bachelorette you see at the bar or maybe even buy her a drink. Get her fucked up and let her know we see her showing up as a sign of trust. Honor that trust and have fun with them.
