Man, oh man do I feel super weird, blobby, tiny and insignificant these days. Like my body is still playing catch up from surgery well over a month ago. I’m not the most patient human being, and I know that’s something I could work on a bit more- I admit it, I am impatient. I want to be done with this recovery and healing part of this process already and I want to get snatched. It’s time to get snatched. But that seems like its never going to happen again and I haven’t even started PT yet.
I had a f/u appt this week and I twas released from the surgeon’s order of, “Don’t lift anything”, or better described as don’t do anything active, or bounce up and down on anyone’s lap just yet. And to be honest, I don’t even feel like it 95% of the day right now. My body feels out of sorts and I’m not feeling in control as I’d like to be. That’s another thing I could work on… to let go a little bit more because I don’t need to control everything. LOL – sometimes it feels safer if I do, but is it necessary all the time? Cause I would like to give that up a tad.
I’m sharing and being super vulnerable, aren’t I? What is your top two things you could work on to be a better (decent) human being if America doesn’t die? Ugh, I sure hope America doesn’t die. Like I’ve said before, things feel like they are just starting to get good for me and I’ve waited so long for that to happen. But just because they are going well within my practice, doesn’t mean that it will always be good or that it’s good or great in my other domains of life. I’m a human being and I work on myself all the time. I need breaks from all the hate just as much as everybody else.
In all, the self-reflection and playing with my puppies, flowers, and birds has not only got me spiraling with my dreams and hopes, but also in the opposite direction. (With real dogs not masks- yet.) I call the good kind of spiraling, “dream bursts”. Like, how big are your American dreams? Are you limiting yourself? And where does that thought take you? Are you letting this deranged angry blob of a man interfere with your goals?
When I was spiraling in the bad direction I got to thought bubbling… “If people get kicked off Medicaid and the republicans destroy Medicare and Social Security, my practice will sink.” Not only my practice will die, but all the hospitals, clinics, and all of us(a) who depend on those insurances to pay for our mortgages or rent will be fucked.
I think that’s their goal, isn’t it? To destroy the middle class and make everyone, except them, poor. Enrich themselves and steal from our treasury, while we the people foot the bill. They will destroy America if we let them. Are we really letting them? Kinda seems like we are. I sure hope the Luke Skywalkers of America start to show up. I think JLo is the Princess Leia for my American world right now, and we know who is the evil Darth Vader and Jabba the Hutt combined is. Who are the main characters for good right now? Is it even clear? Because there’s a lot of silence happening right now too. And who would have known that the actor that played Luke is actually a good human being and on the good and right side of American Jedi history today.
One of my life’s domains that I’m not happy about tis… my rights as a queer man and a brown Mexican American man are being challenged every fucking day by this administration. It sucks to feel their attacks, because of who I am as an American. An American that believes in equality and love and may occasionally suck a dick every now and again, so what? I’m just as American as they are. And yet, they are not like us(a).
Let me Clair-if-I… people that look brown like me are getting snatched off the fucking streets by masked people who may or may not be ICE agents like they say they are. What the fuck happened America??? God be watching… and kids are watching….little brown kids are watching these attacks. How are we going to fix this?
It’s crazy that We the Peeps are living through such an atrocious and cruel time in American history – RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I thought the most horrible things America did to human beings were in the past. I was wrong. Even with all the discrimination and hate I’ve experienced, I still believe in the American Dream and that its just as achievable for me, they/them, and us(a) too!
Examps…I went swimming the other day and while I was searching for the bottom of the pool in the three feet-little kid zone (short joke), thoughts began to swirl. I was quickly filled with anxiety. My heart started racing and I could feel the pulse in my neck as I realized that my wallet with my ID and passport along with any proof of MY AMERICAN citizenship were at home. I’d never had to think about that before like I do now. I can’t believe I have to worry about that now. It’s gross, it’s disgusting and it’s unconstitutional to do what they are doing to people. All those republican congressmen should be ashamed of themselves. That part of America has disappointed me to my American core, and it feels like a bruise to my American soul that is going to take some time after time (Cher hair flip) to heal.
In these mean-times, I find myself daydreaming of day the pendulum of justice, good, and decency will swing back the other direction and stay there. Instead of towards the current Russian take over/invasion we are experiencing with this administration. I can foresee real American justice, freedom, love, and equality in the future. But we may just have to fight for it.
In my mind’s eye, I can see hearings where people are actually held accountable for their actions. A day where rich corrupt criminal rapist men are treated just like a Mexican American or Black man in a red state. That day glitters with the idea that the Justices from the Supreme Court will also be investigated if there is belief that they had anything to do with the overturning or invasion of our country. I envision … I pray the administration will be held accountable for their human rights violations- ALL OF THEM. I also see things like our constitutional rights being reaffirmed in a way that never allows this disgusting attempt to break and steal our elections and government to happen again. I pray for it everyday and his cankles may just be your prayers being answered in real time.
Well, we’ve come to “that part” of the blog post… you know what part of I’m referencing? Yes hooka, it’s the part where I get all Jesusy like the good gay Christian I am. I refenced Star Wars so I wanted to share a Jesusy Bibley story about one of the most bullies of all- David and Goliath.
Yea, so there’s this part in the Bible …. Well like a whole big chapter about a hot guy named David. And there’s another reason why I want to share the story about him, not just cause he’s hot, but because he was the little guy fighting an unwinnable battle. Many of us(a) are feeling like the little guy that is picked on right now. I see it in my sessions. I see in these gay streets and I see it in my own mirror.
So, he – David was the underdog (not sure if he had a puppy mask or not, there was no reference to one). No one believed he could do the impossible- which is beat his bully, and he did. Goliath was trying to destroy David and his tribe and that little hot dude kicked ass! I share the story to give you, they/them, and us(a) hope, when others are trying to snuff it out and reminding us(a) we’re the underdogs- we find each other and then love and hope. Find hope and go towards the glimmers because love is out there.
I also see that all the time here too; love. In the way our adorable hot, sleepy and nasty town treat each other in the stores, out the clubs, bars, etc. I see it in queer relationships and marriages and how you show up to protest for brown people that look like me. I see it in the way people treat animals like butterflies, dogs, cats, and birds. Hey, I’m always on the look out for some love too. I look for the glimmers too. They are the brightest in the darkness.
So, this hot sexy David is described to be “ruddy” and young… like a tween. I like Daddys/Zaddys so ewe for me. But the bully in David’s story is just like the fat one with the bursting cankles you experience today. He’s loud, arrogant, ignorant, and filled with murderous hate. And they underestimate US(A) just like they underestimated David. They not like us(a)…They not like us(a)…
So, his big bully was actually a tall giant and ours is coward with bone spurs. The giant was a huge 9-foot 9 inches sword wielding kinda giant, with even bigger feet, “A champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, came out of the Philistine camp. His height was six cubits and a span.”
Okay, well maybe I made the part about the foot up, but I think we can safely assume so. Otherwise his balance would be way off, and he wouldn’t make such a great “champion”. And I know you are thinking, can you imagine the size of his…. Shoes? Well just because he’s got big shoes doesn’t make him a decent human being. I’m looking for glimmers not a big stinky foot.
Okay back to the story….so this group of people from the Philistines were bullying and killing people and attributed their success to that giant with the big feet. So much so that men in Israel and Judah were afraid to even fight this monster of a being. Sometimes the battle looks scarier than it really is, just to scare us(a) into submission.
I forgot to mention the part where the giant with big feet says to the kingdom where David lived to just send out your toughest guy to fight him. And if their tough guy wins a fight with the giant Goliath then they will forfeit and leave their land. But er’body was scared because of that big mean giant bully Goliath had already proven to be a murder and able to hurt people without cause. Beginning to sound familiar? Goliath was a bad guy, and they were out starting wars, bullying and killing others. Like ew, gross, disgusting- right? I sure don’t like it. I prefer a world where we all live peace.
Then the bully Goliath called them out for 40 days in a row and no one had the nuts to do anything. He was also the kind of bully that had a big mouth and one day David heard his threats and nutted up, while all the men of this guy’s kingdom chickened out. Then the king of the place where David lives promises his hot daughter’s hand in marriage to anyone who beats Goliath.
So, the cute horny young rubby dude takes the challenge and goes to fight the bully – he seriously wants some royal jay jay and wants to save his country, his fellow citizens and preserve their right to exist in that kingdom. Still sounds familiar?
So how does David do it? What’ is his D-fence? Well David’s D, like many of ours is his relationship with God. I also know there’s a whole bunch of our community members that don’t feel safe around Jesus stuff and churches. That’s cause their families and communities did it wrong. Just because they didn’t welcome you at their church table, doesn’t mean there isn’t other churches out there that will love and accept you just the way you are. Dick suckin and all.
But there are others like me, they/them, and us(a) that do like to get it on with Jesus. Our strength is our relationship with God, through Jesus and we welcome you to our tables. David had such a great belief in God that he called that battle won in the name of the Lord before he even fought that fuckin loud mouth bully. Like that is some serious believing…and praying…and trusting God to show up. I can’t wait for Him to get here.
So, this little dude takes on the big scary murderous giant and bully- and kills that fucker dead. The point of this story is to remind you, just like Irene the Alien said in Ruples All Stars the other day, “Someone had to throw the first brick.” Or something like that. And if you are scared for our rights and our lives… and want to keep them, we have to Get Loud about our disagreements with their human rights violations. Who knows, you may find yourselves holding a brick or a heel in your own D-fence one day. You going to throw it? You going to show up for yourself and your community?
What does this story mean? Well, if you google it … it may say that God can use even the most unlikely individuals to achieve great things and win the war. It would also say the David’s people were, “dismayed and terrified” – a feeling that so many of us(a) are experiencing way more than we ever have in our American lives. (Ugh, I have brown Mexican American family members who voted to take away their own rights. Like so many other Americans they never thought it would be their rights and freedoms that were taken away. Ugh, they were wrong. And some of them don’t even know it yet.).
I was thought bubblin the other day, “Why are you continuing to blog in such a scary time?” Well first, it’s my version of therapy. I write and it give me a journal type release. It helps me feel better to get my feelings out of my body and on to paper, or a blog. I have no idea if anyone even reads these but I hope that my strength can yours when your out and vice versa.
So, you want to know how David won the battle? What exactly did the little tweeny David do when he and his people were being picked on by the big giant bully back then? What was David’s D? Well here’s David’s D…
“Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground. So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him. David ran and stood over him. He took hold of the Philistine’s sword and drew it from the sheath. After he killed him, he cut off his head with the sword. When the Philistines saw that their hero was dead, they turned and ran.”
You thought for a second that I was talking about David’s other D? I twasn’t.
So, David’s D was throwing a stone with a sling shot. Marsha P,. Johnson threw a brick. If American history/herstory comes knocking, do you answer? Would you throw something too? Are you a Marsha, Marsha, Marsha? Let’s hope his diet comes for him quickly and the only thing thrown in our communities is shade.
BTW, did you see he’s attacking his own maga supporters? It won’t take long for all those Americans that haven’t given their souls to the devil to see they were wrong about him. They were lied to, just like the rest of us(a) said before- he’s a liar, crook and a bully. Good God, I love America. Not what it is today, but what it was for me growing up and putting up that flag every morning in elementary school. I’m in love with America’s potential to be that again for everyone too. You deserve to chase your American Dreams too.
I wonder what’s your David’s D?
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha
The Happy Homo
PS So I’m tryin to get more involved with my roots cause I feel I’m soo super whitewashed. I think its called pocho or something? *Shrug* I watched “Superstar” on Netflix and the lyrics to that song are catchy and fitting for me today.
No cambie, no cambie, no cambie
Sigo siendo la misma
Pero ya no sufro por tu querer
No cambie, no cambie, no cambie
No cambie, no cambie, no cambie
I didn’t change, I didn’t change, I didn’t change (No cambié, no cambié, no cambié)
I didn’t change, I didn’t change, I didn’t change (No cambié, no cambié, no cambié)
I’m still the same but I no longer suffer for your love (Sigo siendo la misma pero ya no sufro por tu querer)
I didn’t change, I didn’t change, I didn’t change (No cambié, no cambié, no cambié)
I didn’t change, I didn’t change, I didn’t change (No cambié, no cambié, no cambié)
I found a new love and with their kisses I forgot you (Encontré un amor nuevo y con sus besos te olvidé)
For me I’m not going to change because of their hate. If anything I’m going to surround myself with more glimmers. This series is a trip. You should watch it stoned-LOL.
