I type this staring at my bottle of Nyquil with the Kleenex close by, listening to JLo. Yup, I seem to catch every mother tuckin cold there is! This is more of a sinus cold and is just best described as “blah”; but day 1 of blah totally fn succcked! I’m on the mend and feeling better. Upwards is always the trajectory unless I’m going down. And that isn’t happening anytime soon.
Something I realize about myself is as slutty as I may present myself here on this blog, real life falls extremely short of sexual escapades these days. It’s okay with me because my mind is more creative and desireful than my body is.
My body is like, “Ew, is he worth the shower?” “Are you sure? You could be cuddling with your dogs.” Or “Ew, what if he tries to move in, and squats and you can never get him to leave?” or “Ew, what if it’s another gross extortion attempt when I’m not exactly sure what’s worth extorting?” and last but not least, “Ew, is he even worth the douche?”
But I do have a naughty mind and a potty mouth that I get from my little Mommy. She’s a totes perv and says some funny shit most of the time. Sometimes my mind lives in the gutter but just cause it does… doesn’t mean that I’m not a boring AF dog dad. I know how to “turn up” when I want to or when it’s needed but quiet is where I find my peace. My doggies make me happy and until I can find someone who doesn’t mind me coming home multiple times a day/night to put eye drops in my baby’s eye then I’m good.
As fun as a hook up can be, I don’t have it in me right now (pun intended) to weed out the bad ones. I’ll just sit back, observe and see who is worth me wrestling with the thoughts, “Should I send him flowers? Is it too much? Am I too weird?” The answer is always – YAAAS BITCH! I am a weirdo but in some good ways. Being weird or different is not always a negative. I want to be romantic and give and absorb gross shit like flowers, cards or notes. But I realize not all happy homos are built that way and that’s okay too.
Now don’t get all preachy and Judge Judy with me bitches if you see me out with my skirt up around my face, mind yo’ businesses. I get to be just as slutty as anybody else if I want to. My body, my choice(s). Should I want to swap DNA with someone that’s my business and I have every right to do so however and with whomever I see fit. “I say who and I say when!”
Speaking of DNA, I just watched the latest episode of the Kardashians. I’m a Kim K all the way fan for sure! How does it not make you happy to see people fulfilling their dreams? (It’s like when I watched Doja Cat’s performance at the MTV 2023 VMAs while cuddling with my puppies- I saw it! At the end of her performance you could see by the look on her face she was filled with pure joy. Yup, she was exuding pure joy and that was just so cool to see. I don’t fuck around with demons though, but I sure love joy).
Sorry I got distracted, gay squirrel. Back to my DNA. Well, I don’t know if you also love the Kardashians as much as I do, especially da Mama. But those ladies are just chasing dreams and I for one love seeing joy, hard work pay off, and dreams come true. In this latest episode Kim says something along the lines of knowing your DNA, your business’s DNA. It got me thinking about my own baby business.
Now I hope people realize that my blog and my business are two different sides of me, and people can and should be allowed to be multifaceted. (Because I am!) I’m not in Utah anymore and I don’t have to hide parts of me, the good parts of me just to succeed. But I also realize that people could interpret my blog as part of my mental health practice, and they are two very different things. In fact, the blog is my release (pun intended) and my own mechanism to purge myself of the hard things that life throws at me (us). Yes, I’m human and I also must do things to improve my own mental health. Cause if I don’t HELP MYSELF THEN HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO HELP SOMEONE ONE ELSE? For me that includes a gratitude prayer every morning with the hungry af and angry af hummingbirds. While they swarm all about I talk to God (in all Her glory).
“Dear God thank you for getting me the fuck out of Utah… blah blah blah.” Or something along those lines.
It’s my own personal journal just in a much bigger way and besides I don’t even know if anyone is actually reading these things. Either way it feels good to write and it lightens my own burdens- regardless if anyone is actually reading. In turn it makes me want to choke a couple of those rude ass bitches a lot less. 😊 LOL, yes social workers can also get hurt and want to choke a bitch out. I just have to actively try not to, no matter how hard a couple of you make me want to. Again, I didn’t come here to fight with people, I came here for peace. (But I will only if I have to- that’s also part of my D to the NA NA NA.) Your problems with me are your own (that goes out to the bullies and you fuckers know who you are).
So, my DNA, the reason why I chose social work in the first place. Well… because I know how hard it is and how lonely it can feel when you are down and out. I’ve been down and out so much of my human existence. Yet, I persit because mother fucker- Si Se Puede! And having 1 person in your corner can change your outlook on everything and begin a journey of healing. Let’s face it, as queer people we get bashed all the time (in so many different ways). Our trans brothers and sisters and nonbinary or non-gender conforming people probably get it the worst. Then throw race and socioeconomic status and inability to get hired because of who you are or what you look like- hurts. It’s another nonphysical bashing that our community members endure. Then we add salt to the wound, and we bash each other. Simply put, I just want to help. I just want to improve someone’s day by showing up. I want to be in YOUR corner HOE!
My last employer, even as dishonest as some people may be about me “resigning”, lol more like a forced resign, offers support for our people. I wanted so much to be a part of that because as giving as I want to be, I’m also selfish and it made me feel good. I called it my “magnum opus” in previous blog posts, because it was. I’d never felt something so fulfilling in all my life, that involved my (our) people. In fact, I want to be clear about it, it wasn’t even a forced resignation. It as a wrongful termination; after they refused to accommodate my medical needs (even after I thought I had cancer- thank God I do not!). The accommodations were even made by their own doctors. Which is cold hearted af for a medical place that is supposed to be centered in love. Meh, I see you bitches.
Now with my own little practice, I have my new MAGNUM OPUS! It’s the same population and community that I fucking love- YOU! Going through the pains of starting my own baby business I realize how much more these first month’s clients mean to me. I know… I know I’m not supposed to be enmeshed and I’m not, but I’m fucking appreciative. They could be getting their care/support/therapy anywhere else in this beautiful hot desert filled with dicks and rainbows, and they’ve chosen me. Being a broke brown bitch (that sounds like a white valley girl) I’m reliant on them just as much as it seems they are on me, but in different ways.
They need to have someone, a safe someone they can talk to about their problems, grief, loss, depression etc. You get it… and they (meaning YOU) are my MAGNUM OPUS. I never understood how much more appreciation and value I could get out of work than I do now; and I used to go into abusive/neglectful/drug filled homes and remove kids from their parents. Although I know what an impact I had on those little lives, this is a new chapter with a much different outcome, opportunities, and fulfillment (for me). Yes, altruistic actions are selfish, and helping people like I have been my whole career is what keeps me going, keeps me happy, and what keeps me sober.
I use you bitches just like you (they) use me … and we both feel better about it. Now that’s some honesty for you. I told you I may be a bitch, but I’m not a lying bitch. I’m probably the nicest bitch you’ll ever meet. And although there have been a few setbacks since I arrived here- I’m still here bitches, and I’m not broken. So, what’s the difference between me and another LCSW? Well, I appreciate you just as much, if not more than you appreciate me.
Now I go onto the next chapter of my baby business career with the knowledge that my brand’s DNA for mental health (and not this blog- cause this blog is for my own mental health and is dirty as fuck), is love, equality, safety, equal access, and helping our people find their inner strength cause I know you bitches are tougher than you look and so am I. With that said, I’m going to try to create an opportunity for drag queen story time that can be accessed from the safety of a loving, inclusive, accepting parent’s home; where they can show their kids that there is a great big ol’ world out there that will love them (you). But they (you) have to be careful- because not everyone has your best interest or the best intentions in mind.
This brings me back to JLo… why she gotta string us along? My homosexual chunky heart can’t take all this waiting. She said she was releasing her album called This is Me, Now”, but when is know? Tomorrow? Next week? Cause it certainly wasn’t last week- cause I’ve been looking er’day on Apple Music. When is NOW, MS J to the LO?
In Great Appreciation for this City and You,
The Happy Homo
PS Jennifer Lopez Affleck gurrrrrrrl where is that musical experience? This is me now begging for that dang release of, “This is me …now.” Helller? You there gurrrl? Where’s is the NOW?
PSS Sorry Mrs Goddess Lopez Affleck (GLA) I did not mean to use all caps with the NOW in the above PS, I just really want it and I want it NOW even if you “Ain’t my Mama”! Oh shit, I did it again.
PSSS Is anyone else watching RHOSLC? Are you loving the splash of color? No not Angie, ew. She is transparent. I mean Monica Garcia. I’m loving me some Monica Garcia! Get em girl!
PSSSS Oh, and Kim Kardashian scurrred me. I watched the last AHS episode before going to bed the other night and she, well her character came all up in my dreams like she knew me and scurrred me awake! Raaude! (She’s good at it and I see haters er’where mad-hehehe)
PSx5 Look at me now… now I’m more “Limitless” than I’ve ever been and I have a fn office with a view. Eat shit haters who tried to keep from an office window. Probably not the most social work thing I can say but remember, there are two different sides. I’m multifaceted bitch! You two bitches know who I’m referring to. Ha! Still got the window and still think about your snake like behavior when I need motivation. “I’m a bitch, I’m a boss, and I shine like gloss.”
PSx6 So talking about scary people, tricks, hook ups etc… be careful if you leave your phone around a trick in your home. They could download Apple Family Share or other apps and that give them access to apps on your phone. Including … let’s say your ADT Alarm System>>>? That’s a story for another time. But be careful with who you allow to come into your safe spaces and into your home. (I could literally see them drive away from the shared app on my phone and they could see when I was going to be away from my home. Fucking bitches) (DELETED!) (Yet, another stupid newbie mistake I made.) (No, I’m not a tech nerd but I could see them driving away from my house and going to their trailer in Cat City.)
PSx7 I also heard some horror stories where a trick you have over will go to the bathroom or you as the host go to the bathroom. The trick then takes a split second to crack open one of your windows. They wait until you’re gone and crawl back through the window and steal yo’ shit! Be careful with who you let into your private places and your bussy hoes.
PSx8 Also I may just leave my DNA anywhere I want in this city….just like the rest of you hoes. 😊 And maybe I won’t… I can’t decide. Trusting hoes is harder to do than I thought it would be. And sometimes I feel asexual as fuck. Meh, sometimes I feel like a dick and sometimes I don’t. These days it’s more like no thanks.
PSx9 Kim K all the way, congrats on a beautiful collection. I totes want a Kim K t Dolce t-shirt!!!!
PSx10 With all the hate in the world, we need to create avenues of love for the generations to come to be able to access; including story time.
PSx11 The loss of innocent civilian lives is terrible… something evil. Let’s elevate the vibration of love on this planet. The world needs it now more than ever.
PSx12 Get your dang covid booster and flu shot! Also your local grocery stores (Walmart, Ralphs, Target and everywhere else should offer cart wipes all the time). Oh and take a minute to wipe down your carts. You are just as germy as your most careless bestie you share air with, who doesn’t wipe their cart or use hand sanitizer. Don’t be gross wear a mask if you are sick.
PSx13 I want Xtina Vegas tickets for xmas. Just putting it out there in the universe. 🙂
PSx14 yes, it was truly a wrongful termination because I even asked the old lady, “Why are you doing this? You’re a big girl. Use your big girl voice.” Remember ? You member!
PSx15 A big love, hug and coochie grab to Dr. D for all the love he has shown me. (No, that is not what the D stands for. I mean it could… but beats me. *Pun intended*)
