I have to confess, I’m feeling a little nervous about tomorrow. Tis the ‘eve of what is supposed to be the murder of one of my remaining Palm Springs Cherries. Yes, hoe… I still have a couple left. Maybe not a ton of them, but there are a few. Hopefully, not murdered in the bad way. En lieu of blood let it be other bodily fluids, holes and mouths; and only murdered or beaten up in a really good way.
No, not “end of the world” nervousness, but the kind of nervous that comes when you’re stepping into a new chapter of your life. The kind that reminds you that growth is happening, whether you’re ready for it or not – so buckle the fuck up and get your dick out. The truth is that a lot has changed for me recently.
For the first time in a long time, I’ve become more comfortable with myself, my body, and simply feeling safer in a world that’s not always safe for people like me or you. Getting to this place wasn’t easy. It came after working through some difficult experiences and realizing that healing creates space. Space for growth. Space for boners. Space for connection. Space for improving my health and space for fun. And yes, sometimes space for making questionable decisions with friends and maybe strangers.
One of the biggest changes has been becoming more active in the Palm Springs community. I’ve been spending more time out, showing up to events, visiting local bars, and finding my place on dance floors throughout our homo friendly city.
To be clear, when I say I want the full Palm Springs experience, I mean the good stuff. The community. The music. The friendships. The Palm Springs marriages (since there appears to be a lack of singles here). The laughter. The freedom. The cumming… the going. I’ve already traveled down roads that weren’t good for me, and I have no interest in going back to yesteryear. Life is simply too good these days, and I feel and look good too; I don’t want to ruin that. There are far better ways to spend my time.
Speaking of which, I’ve been dancing. A to the lot. And guess what? I’ve been having a fuckin fantastic time. A few weeks ago, a DJ at Dicks played several songs from Madonna’s latest album, and as a lifelong homosexual fan, I couldn’t help myself. And I shimmied, I shook, and wiggled all up and down on that dance floor. That is until a couple of women came up and started to get a little too close for comfort; they was cock blockin!
“Excuse me ma’am how is the hot bar tender supposed to see me if you are in the way???”
For an hour or so, just like most other dance floors, I confess nothing else mattered. The music, the beats, Madonna and my people.
I love Palm Springs and I can’t believe how much more it feels like home these days. This is where I belong. This is where we belong. Ya know, there’s something special about finding a community where you can just be yourself, wear hardly anything, and dance until you can’t anymore. Where no explanations are required and boners of all shapes and sizes are welcomed.
As Madonna reminds us, it’s good for the soul.
A couple of Sundays ago, at Chill’s Tea Dance, I found myself having one of those unexpectedly wonderful afternoons. Not only was the energy incredible and everywhere I looked there were hot guys in jock straps, but several groups of people came up to introduce themselves and strike up conversations.
The best part? They were kind. Yea bitch, you heard me right. KIND. I hope that lasts.
They told me they’d seen me out dancing over the past few weeks and loved my energy. They loved seeing me on the dance floor. I don’t know why that surprised me so much, but it did.
Maybe because it’s been a while since I’ve felt truly seen or sexy. Maybe because life has shown me that kindness happens less and less these days.
For years, I think I was just trying to get through life. Now, suddenly, I’m participating in it again. I hope for all of you- post trauma happiness, acceptance and love. I also hope that for our country. At one point they were all cheering me on as water was poured over my sweaty head/body and suddenly it felt like I was in JLo’s Glad video aka Flash Dance.
I’m meeting people. I’m making connections. I’m showing up, are you?
And people are responding in a positive way, I really do hope that lasts.
I’m still learning how to view life through this new lens. Sometimes I’m genuinely surprised that anyone notices me at all. But little by little, I’m realizing that’s what community is. It’s people recognizing one another. Encouraging each other. Sharing joy, love and their bodies with each other. You whores… I’m so happy to join you.
So yes, tomorrow has me a little nervous. But it also has me excited. I hope I’m EXCITED during the party too. I hope the fear and anxiety don’t fuck with my boner capabilities.
Because regardless of what happens, the bigger story isn’t about one event or one night. It’s about finally feeling comfortable enough to participate in my own life again. And that feels pretty damn good.
I even made out with some really hot fucking guys that day at Chill and that has been a new running theme for me and again, I welcome the fuck out of it. I even went up to a hot fuckin shirtless Daddy, and asked for permission to man handle his muscles, titties, arms and such. He gave me permission and you betta believe I fuckin did man handle them muscles. Yum, he was so hot. I want. In my mouth. In you …in me. *Gobble* *Gobble*
So as the nerves of trying something new rush through my veins, hunger pains rumble in my tummy. I’m not trying to eat a big meal before a sexy pool party with over 300 people going to fuck. I don’t know what to expect! I’ve spent the last few days hearing every piece of advice imaginable from gay (already whore) friends on how to prepare for a big Palm Springs sexy time pool party event.
Looksie, I’m not sure if I’ve bottoming tomorrow, topping, or all of the above and then some? Perhaps nothing at all??? But I’m a gay who likes to prepare for the best and the worst, just in case.
In these conversations with other gays about this rite of passage… some have given some good advice….
“Don’t eat for two days.”
“Douche like crazy and then eat some Imodium. Then don’t eat.”
“Just top. Tops don’t have to worry and they just eat anything.”
“If I end up being shitty, I’d probably never show my face at a party again and would move.”
What I take from all the advice is ya’ll should be giving more props to all those bottoms out there who prepare so diligently. You know they hungry, but so are their other holes. And one hunger is stronger than the other.
The more people talked, the more I wondered if I was preparing for a sexy pool party or my actual Debutant Debut? Or is this a Mexican Gay Man’s version of having a quinceañera. Either way I can’t wait to open up everyone’s packages.
Of course, life happens, and sometimes shit happens… and things rarely go perfect. But I realize the pressure we put on ourselves is so much worse than reality. We spend so much time worrying about what could happen that we forget to enjoy what’s actually happening. Remind me of that tomorrow, please? And (sh)“it” has happened to every gay man who gets fucked…why the shame?
So yes, I’m hoooongry. Yes, I’m nervous. And yes, I’ll probably be heading directly to get some food afterward like a ravenous animal.
I also wanted to clear up a vicious rumor. Someone told me that I said I was a “total top.” Ummm, NOOO, I never said that and it’s not true! I really like both and need more practice at both. I’m out of practice but having fun getting back in the swing of things. Wanna be my practice buddy? Come on, be my buddy?
I’ve never been much of a fan of putting people into neat little boxes. Human beings are complicated sexual creatures, and that’s part of what makes life interesting. Sometimes you feel like pounding and sometimes you feel like getting pounded.
Now, shifting gears for a moment.
I’ve been paying attention to conversations happening within our community about inclusion, belonging, microaggressions and the experiences of queer people of color. These conversations matter. Fuck, I experience it too.
As a gay Mexican man who grew up in Utah, I’ve experienced my fair share of microaggressions on the daily. Some people aren’t even aware they’re doing it and others are very intentional. None of it is easy to live with.
At the same time, it’s difficult for me to separate those smaller moments from the larger realities facing many Mexicans, immigrant families and communities across our once great country. While we should absolutely address bias and exclusion wherever it exists, especially here, I also hope we’re paying attention to the broader issues impacting people’s safety, rights, opportunity, life and death, and their dignity.
A truly inclusive community doesn’t just welcome some of us(a). It welcomes all of us(a). As social aggressions, hostile aggression, and physical aggression have become so prevalent in today’s society (for people who look like me)- microaggressions also need to be talked about. But again, my brown brothers, sisters, and gender nonconforming humans are being kidnapped, raped, murdered and enslaved. WTF?!?!
Lately, another theme has been showing up repeatedly in conversations with friends, clients, and people I meet around town: uncertainty, fear, and the drying up of money.
People are literally worried about money not going as far as it once did. They’re worried about housing and food. I confess… I am too.
So besides deciding if or how you are going to fight against fascism… how are YOU doing personally? People are feeling the money grab from traitor trump and his billionaire child molesting Nazi friends. Are you?
People who were doing very well for themselves before this administration are now feeling it in a bad way. Their businesses are closing, they could lose their homes, other people’s food stamps were cut, and people are scared.
This corrupt admin has even cut financial aid to students. I have a queer POC client in their last year of medical school and their financial aid was just pulled out from under them. This is happening all across our country, they are killing people’s dreams and attacking their hope. We need to fix this. WE HAVE TO FIX THIS. (This person gave me permission to write about this, and they are more deserving of help than most human beings…they are a good solid caring person.) He hopes to be able to continue with his school but isn’t sure what to do. Fuck, I am at a loss for any advice at all for him in this area. I do hope and pray a path for him opens up for him to finish his last year. We need a queer doctor.
I’ve always said they (this administration and republicans) want us(a) uneducated, dumb, poor, unemployed, hungry, and sick. We, the people, are easier to control that way. But I have faith in you and in us(a). I don’t think you are so easily controlled. I honestly, think some of those content creators I follow are right. They are going to keep robbing you, me, they/them, and us(a) until something happens to them directly. What does that mean? I don’t know but fuck those greedy child molesting sobs. Fuck them!
Whatever happens in our country, I hope we fight this Nazi regime like a whole bunch of crazed borderline bitches would. Be relentless, unwavering, and convincing. Don’t give up and keep at it until you get those bitches. Bully the bully if we have to. I also hope you know you are not alone right now and I love you; well, most of you. It’s a crazy motha’ tuckin time right now and I hope we at least have each other.
Just like Motha said, “Safety in numbers….” We are stronger together- don’t forget that.
I hope the party is everything I’ve been missing and that all the prep work was worth it. I hope everything goes smooth and I have a naughty good time. I’m so hooongry and horny. I hope I don’t chicken out.. if the nerves get a little too much for me, I’ll just have to put on my Happy Homo Investigative hat, collect the “data”, and get the story for my other fellow repressed homos.
It’s Good for the Soul,
The Happy Homo
PS Happy birthday to Jennifer Lopez! She was born on 7/24. Both of us are July babies… both of us still in the prime of our lives. 😉
PSS I didn’t know Madonna’s daughter was so fuckin hot! Gorgeous and talented- both of ‘em? I’m here for it and that whole fuckin album.
PSSS Also worthy of mention… Barry Manalow’s new CD is out and I love 80% of it and like the other 20%. Definitely worth your time too.
PSSSS Congrats to the Wall Street Journal for getting an award for their reporting on Jeffrey Epstien. Even better is that fat disgusting old shitty man was there for it. Go Wolf Blitzer! Go Wall Street Journal. Yay!
PSX5 By the time I write this… I will have already eaten a many things (I hope). For the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to whatever comes next.
PSX6 I love Madonna’s new video… loooves it! I used to think of JLo’s Waiting for Tonight video when ever I saw those green club lights… now I think about Madonna, the power of the puss puss and booty hole. The power was in you and me all along.
PSX7 I finally got a chance to catch up on Ruples All Stars. OMFG loooved it! So much to talk about. Congrats to Crystal Method. Yay a Latina finally won something! About fuckin time!!!! YAAAAY!
